I feel like no one is getting this. Just because he is my brother, doesn't mean I need him in my life, especially when he is a toxic person. Everyone keeps saying "Family is forever" which is true, but my so called family are the mean people who have aided in making me feel like absolute s*** about myself and I am still recovering from it as well as doing my best to forgive them and take responsibility for my feelings.
I know all this. You guys don't have to keep telling me the same s*** advice. Just understand it's going to take TIME.
My brother is an obnoxious control freak and manipulative as h***. He projects all his negative energy and the moment someone doesn't agree with him, he goes berserk or lectures them until they eventually succumb to his beliefs, change the subject, or walk away. He has a huge ego and will never apologize or even acknowledge when he has hurt someone else's feelings, even after being vulnerable and telling him, "Hey, that hurt my feelings."
This past month, after getting into a stupid argument over nothing that left us not speaking -- which ALWAYS happens -- I have come to the realization that he is someone who has always been really toxic in my life. Not only was he physically abusive, but also mentally and emotionally as well. Always relying on me to be there for him, but never doing the same for me. I've always felt the need to walk on eggshells around him. I do empathize with him because I understand he isn't happy with himself, and I love him, but I refuse to put up with it any longer. I refuse to let anyone inflict their suffering onto me just because I happen to be around. I will not be taken advantage of anymore.
Right now, I am at an extremely fragile point in my life where I can't be around that energy right now. I just got out of a depression which I can easily fall back in so I need to empower myself, build up my self-love, esteem, and confidence. I'm extremely sensitive, and I can't be around people like him that make me feel like I am not good enough unless I reach his standards. Perhaps when I am strong enough and feel right in my own, I can, but not right now.
No one seems to get that though and it's frustrating me. I just want to be understood and have some sort of support. No judgment. Why can't people respect the way I feel without critiquing me for not being like them?