I know it's abuse

I guess I've known for a while that my husband is abusive. Not like in the movies. It's control and manipulation most of the time.

Sixteen months ago he knocked me down repeatedly and threatened me. I was scared and bruised and called the police, who were awful to me and tried to coerce me into taking off my clothes (with 3 male officers present) to look at my bruises. So I said never again.

Two weeks ago my husband hurt me during s**. It was deliberate and he liked it, got off on it. I cried for hours from fear and pain and wondered what would happen if I called the police again. But I won't. They won't help me. Now I wonder what will happen next.


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  • Above all, RELAX.. Due to backlash of the rebellious, despicable emancipation of women for the last 40 years, sympathy to muslims & Islam itself & thanks to liberalism, Sharia law toward females has slowly crept in to the u.s. & will continue at a quicker pace to manifest itself there. The justice system itself fundamentally will provide decreasing time & effort toward cases involving not abuse, but discipline of women in general. All in the effort mind you, of being politically correct.

  • F@ck that

  • 's a shame that the truth hurts bad sometimes however those are clearly the facts and you can thank your elected leaders, all in the effort of promoting liberalism.. Yes, liberalism, the mental disease that keeps on giving..

  • My mom was married to a very abusive man, who ended up abusing me as well. She died when I was 14 and I was stuck with him for 8 months being abused until my biological dad could take me to live with him. The abuse was physical from the time I was 5-10, after that it was mostly mental and emotional. He was terrible to my mother, even when she was sick, and dying, he screamed at her and pushed her. I didn't know what to do then, and neither did she. But, I'm 19 years old now, and I've studied like crazy to avoid being in this same situation like you, and my mom.

    http://www.thehotline.org/ you can go here to get the number for the domestic violence hotline.

    http://www.safeservices.org/ you can find services to help you there.

    I hope you get out soon.

  • Abuse always starts with control, manipulation. Don't confuse he's obsessed with me with he loves me.

    I did once and was beaten within an inch of my life by a man I loved. I had pretty bad corneal eye damage and had to go to an eye specialist for over 2 years afterwards. My abuser died within a year of that beating. I never saw it coming, and only remember coming to for a few seconds of it. I was found hours later on the neighbors lawn. One neighbor heard me crying out and never called the cops I found out. I still can't believe it happened - GET OUT NOW!

  • Please call the national domestic violence hotline today. They will give you advice and resources as to how to get out of this abusive relationship. Take care now.

  • Please get help before you find yourself getting more badly hurt. Please!

  • Control and manipulation is abuse. You need to leave. You can love him all you want, hoping he will change. But you need to love yourself more to know that you don't truly know the violence he is capable of. There are many organizations that can help you. Reach out. They can help you plan to leave safely. Please know, the most dangerous time is when you do leave, because that is when an abuser has lost his control. And do not pay attention to the guy below who is telling you to be subservient. He is not a man. A real man can treat his woman well and with respect. Cowards hit to try and control. They are pathetic. If anyone needs his ass kicked,
    it's him.

  • Do you feel lucky?? Well do ya punk??

  • If you have somewhere you can go by all means get away from that lunatic.

  • First, I know there is more to the account than what you state here.. I'm not there however I'll be succinct.. Most likely it's due to you not doing as you're told.. In general, Men prefer obedience from their wives, period. Among all the confusion brought on by the stupid 'women's movement' of the last 40 to 50 years, the word obey is erroneously left out of wedding vows however old school vows will continue with it.. Believe it or not, a decent wife will love, honor & obey as part of her wedding vows.. As I said, we need to know more here however that is most likely the problem here.. Obey your spouse & even money says the issue will improve.. Regarding the police, certainly any reasonable lady would expect to disrobe in the interest of permitting the investigating officer[s] to collect any evidence necessary to complete their investigation.. If you can't help work within the system, you shouldn't expect the system to help you.. Now, regarding pain while copulating. I know what you mean on a personal level.. Some select men like myself & perhaps your spouse, due to oversized endowment regarding their genitalia, require some women to tolerate a degree of, let's say minor discomfort during coitus.. We can say with at least some degree of certainty, that if you presented this issue to your gynecologist, he would suggest that either your tissues are too sensitive or the man's P**** is a little too large.. He may even add that some dyspareunia is sometimes a result of you needing to relax more during intercourse.. Good luck.

  • ^This^ guy is insane. Please do NOT listen to anything he says. You are in grave danger, and you need to extract yourself from it. Don't allow the police to make that choice or spur the action for you: you must do it yourself. Your current situation isn't going to improve. Therapy isn't going to fix it, and it isn't going to fix him. You have to get out, and today isn't too soon. Please don't stay and hope it'll get better, because all that's likely to happen is that you'll get dead. Talk to a crisis counsellor or a social worker. Find a safe house for abused women and get lodging there (they even have places for women with children, if that's your status). Get away. Get help. Get whole. You can do all that, but YOU must be the one to take each and every step. Begin now. I wish you only the best.

  • Please do not worry that I will listen to someone who first blames both feminism and me for the two beatings I have sustained and then finds it necessary to discuss the size of his p****.
    When I said my husband was hurting me, I was not specific enough, perhaps. It is hard for me to write the specifics. The repeated blows to the head with a closed fist and then choking me until I couldn't make any noise or even breathe are the details I left out. The scary part is that the more I was hurting, the more aroused he became.

    I am afraid to leave him.

  • We are not worried what suggestions you will consider here among the replies to your posting. We support your decision whatever it is. Some of us feel that you indeed don't want to leave him regardless, which is a natural response to your set of circumstances taken by many, many women. It requires an advanced, deeper, psychological evaluation of thought process to understand why you are content & prudent to stay with your man.. I give you credit for expressing details of your pain during sexual relations, as well as you finding it necessary to discuss your spouse's amplified sexual arousal stemming fro the pain he administered to you. That is key because as a woman, your nature dctates you to be a pleasure to a man even when it involves what may be termed as extreme measures. That is how most women are wired biopsychologically. Due to their passionate, permitting nature, they more readily comprehend the requirement to be more passive if needed. By the same token, nature dictates a man's behavior when sexually aroused.. Although sometimes taken to extremes, he acts on desires to be clearly dominant to his female partner or especially his wife when he needs to release his s****. Speculation aside, what you can expect from your spouse is his expression of intimidation & instilling fear upon you. He must feel disadvantaged & weak among others, especially men thus ; he turns that physical handicap to an emotional release upon his weaker, female partner.

  • That makes sense and I think I know what you mean. I really don't want to leave my husband even if he is controlling me. You are saying that we as women need men to guide us when they see a need to and you are right. I found a way to talk to him for awhile and he said he doesn't want to hurt me he just needs to show me discipline. I told him how scared I was when he choked me during s** and he said he needed to achieve his climax that way but he was over me with his big hand leaning on my neck. I am confused with this way but he said he needs me to be with him for his wife

  • Above all Miss, DISREGARD what this fool girl stated above.. The above suggestions are just empty, virtual words written like a generic get well card.. The girl makes no sense & is only overstating her pleas.. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore now that police have been seen going to your residence.. The girl giving you advice above is clearly selfish & only states theory.. You married the man with you to stay with him for life rather than to give up on your marriage so hastily.. You & your spouse gave vows to each other in sickness & in health.. No marriage is perfect.. You've invested time with your spouse for good reasons.. The above suggestions are erroneous & hasty.. One can invest patience, which is a far better reaction due to what you've confessed.. The fool above tells you to run when I know better that you are no coward.. Be strong, you know your spuse will calm down & this will work itself out..

  • If it weren't so disturbing and deluded, the above response would be laughable. Unfortunately, this is no laughing matter. And self-protection is not cowardice: it's necessary. This relationship will not work itself out. This man will not calm down. This man will kill her.

  • Your funky posting is peculiar in that no one mentioned this was any type of laughing matter until you suggested it. What is more disturbing Miss is your further paranoia & accusatory, sexist suggestion regarding a man's intention of homicide. Needless to say, you appear to be mentally disturbed.

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