I can't get her out of my head

I am a 33 year old male and have been married to my second wife for five years. We met shortly after both of our previous marriages ended in divorce due to our ex-spouses' infidelity. I had a few short-term relationships and one-night stands while my ex and I were separated but she and I hit it off almost immediately. We shared much of the same values and interests and we each felt relieved that the other understood the pain caused by cheating and would never want to inflict that upon the other. However, I have noticed as time marches on my desire for intimacy with my wife has decreased. This is compounded by our attempts to have a child as it's difficult to keep from looking at s** as a chore at that point when you have to set your watch by the days of the month. Before I continue let me express that I am still deeply in love with my wife and could not imagine my life without her.

Skip ahead to last year. An attractive and quiet young woman hired on at my company and she and I became good friends in short order. As time progressed we've grown closer as we've found we share a lot of interests. Needless to say, my wife grew jealous and suspicious rather quickly and I did spend an evening talking my way out of the doghouse when I went to have drinks after work under the guise of a late shift. To ease her mind that nothing untoward was going on, I introduced the two of them and the three of us have been getting together at least weekly for dinner and drinks after work. Privately, this 24 year old woman and I have become very open with one another and I find I'm able to openly discuss topics with her that I do not feel comfortable discussing with my wife. When we met she was up front about her need for a wide personal space bubble and that she felt quite uncomfortable with contact from people she did not know well. I suppose we know each other well enough now as I get playful bumps and pokes from her when we're near each other in the office or outside of work and she does not shy away if I reciprocate. I now find myself fantasizing about her and waking from rather lewd dreams involving her. Being around her sparks not only sexual desire but also brightens my mood. When she talks about outings with friends I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy. We chat constantly via text but even if it's an innuendo or raunchy joke, nothing has been directly related to any chemistry between us. She has sent me a few photos of herself but nothing erotic.

I just spent the afternoon with her, my wife and my sister-in-law which left me feeling empty after we parted ways and my wife and I headed home. She is 24 now, has never been in a long term relationship, has dated only briefly and is a virgin. I don't know that the opportunity for s** with this woman would ever arise as she's yet to appear flirty or receptive but I do not know how I would react if it did. I'm not sure if my infatuation with this woman would override my commitment to my wife. I'm wary to bluntly ask how she feels as I fear such an awkward question will have serious repercussions if she is not 'feeling it too'. I would certainly regret the deed if my wife were to ever find out but given how much this woman has driven me mad I suspect I would regret it as well if I did not jump at the chance as life is entirely too short to live full and 'what ifs'.

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  • I can help il put brat n ur b**** u go and f*** who u like

  • Your instincts are right to avoid the blunt question about how she feels. Once she desires you as much as you desire her, she'll make it clear. Give her time to get there, and she will. I think she's already beginning to love you deeply and beginning to hate your wife deeply. Eventually, she will think of you as belonging to her. Will she become intensely attached? Will she want more and more and more of you? Once she's surrendered her virginity to you, will she need s** constantly? Will she need it FROM YOU? The answer to all those questions is "yes". And that's exactly what you want from her. Isn't it?

  • Instead of you talking to your wife to explain to her the scheduled s** to have a baby isn't making you happy, you have to cheat. You are. You are already emotionally cheating on your wife. Why don't you just take it all the way. You know that it will end in divorce and you are just another cheating husband for your wife who you say "could not imagine your life without". Your wife deserves soo much more. You are pathetic. Whatever... You work with this 24 year old. Do you actually think that you are going to have a one night stand with a virgin who you work with? Please, she's been saving herself. She's not just going to give it up to you. Break up with your wife so she can find someone she can actually start a family with. Grass isn't always greener. You'll be 5 years into another marriage and find you're still not happy.

  • You need to stop spreading this circus and dance of anger around with you your spreading it around to every person you meet just because your wife had affairs, let her deal with it and why she needs affairs and why do you feel the need to copy her syndrome pity-party act? your wife is a empty woman making up excuses your making up excuses and to be honest if you did f*** this virgin you would deserve someone to come around and bash the guts out of you and be careful she is not a plant of your wives to do just that with all these games you and your wife are playing with each other and your friends how do you have energy to enjoy life and live constructively and work and be faithful to yourself let alone each other ??? your gonna end up attacked if you f*** this virgin just to prove your manhood! I really fear for you and your personal and business reputation, it could cost your career and everything!

  • Your all over the place rather then being centered and grounded in yourself and looking to others to fill the empty space that is you! not going to be healed by others but only yourself you can all the affairs you want and you will still feel empty, I would suggest you visit a life coaching seminar and maybe have a big spring cleanout of all the women in your life and have some quality time on your own to find out why you feel empty because a relationship is not going to fill it and seeking a relationship for all the wrong reasons will lead you to more pain. your empty due to your childhood, your pride and all these relationships are not healing the empty you til you deal with the other stuff. why are you really empty? maybe you have never had the b**** to be the real you! a career change move to a new town or spend some time alone, or check out the bi and gay dating scene. your emptiness is inside you not others or what they do. your hanging on to your pride and these women like a child on the mothers apron strings. every woman for you is just a new mummy or dummy to suck on ! jump off your potties people. your wife and you and all your friends are sitting on baby potties! empty your nappy somewhere else!

  • I think you should leave the virgin for someone who deserves her love as you being married is not right for her, and she should be with men who can offer her a real relationship if she is a virgin as her first experience because she will feel cheated to have it with a married man who can't be decisive. I lose my virginity to a married man and never wanted him and it was literally on the rebound from being hurt from another man. my advice is either patch things up with your wife or look somewhere else then someone half your age. when she is 30 you be 50 and old and she will cheat on you all the time for young men. she won't want you unless there is something extra special there. you have had affairs only because you feel your pride has been wounded by your wife having affairs, rather then leaving it about her issues you have created it into your personal issues when its her issues and not yours. but if things are so bad get out and find a woman more suitable then that age and make a honest break and stop f****** everyone around just cuz you are on a rebound trip because you are only confusing things for yourself adding new people in your love life everywhere,

  • Take her to lunch, take her for drinks, take her to dinner. Go to a movie and hold her hand in the dark theater. Be comforting and kind. Let her know, by your actions, that she's important to you . . . because she is. She knows you want her: she's a woman and women just know that. Let her know you care for her, and then when she says she's interested or willing, be confident. Take her, love her, and don't ever look back.

  • Well, if I were you I would think of this very clearly before anything gets any further. First of all, do you really feel deeply for this young woman, or could this be an infatuation with her because she is a virgin? However, since it's very rare to find a virgin these days maybe that could be why your so amazed by her. Now what if things get out of control and you happen to be her first? Yeah that would make you feel like Tarzan I bet, but do you truly want to hurt your wife? Ok, are you willing to give this young woman a comment, because after all these kinds of women get attached to their first. Let's just say they won't let them get away. Think about afterwards are you willing to get another divorce to be with this woman? Then what after 2 or 3 years down the line you'll get tired of this woman, until you meet another one. Don't you think maybe you are looking for something in women, instead of looking inside your self to figure out what it is you are lacking within your self? Just think about this before you end up hurting them both, and end up all by yourself. Good luck.

  • You've touched on many of my nagging concerns. I don't believe my interest has much do with her sexual history as I found that out through the grapevine several month after she caught my attention. In a previous casual relationship I was a girl's first, but I didn't know that until a few days after. She did grow very attached but we spoke honestly about the limits of what we were willing to commit to. We broke it off a few months later but did manage to stay friends. I think what attracts me most to this girl is her energy. I find being around her invigorating. Even so, I'm cautious and concerned about the ramifications pursuing this relationship may incur.

  • Allow the situation to continue as it is. You're already growing a relationship with her, and as you've described it, she's allowed you inside the bubble, probably to a greater degree than anyone else before you. You should continue to have fun with her, be her friend, and even be increasingly flirtatious with her at work and when the two of you aren't around your wife. And when you part company with her (everywhere, except at the office), always ALWAYS kiss her on the cheek and hug her lightly. Gradually, one of two things will happen: you can start extending the length of the kisses and hugs, or she will start responding more warmly and more sensually. The situation will develop so that her willingness to reciprocate the powerful feelings you have for her will become evident. By then, the s** will be unavoidable because the two of you will have cranked up the heat so high that you simply MUST be together: you'll be driving each other mad. Even though she's a virgin, I think you already know she'll be a far better lover than your wife is, and she'll be more in tune with your needs and wants. However, the answer to your dilemma is already known to you, because you said it yourself: life is too short for "what ifs". Find out "what if", and as you also said so eloquently: "LIVE FULL!" I've been where you are, and I can tell you that you won't regret having pursued this young girl. I wish you well, my friend.

  • Thank you for your thoughts on this conundrum. I'm still torn but the time has not yet come to make a firm decision but you've given me more to consider in the meantime.

  • Just go with it!

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