I want to have a lesbian affair

I can't take it any more. I can't keep feeling so lonely in my marriage. I can't keep hiding from my desires for women... I want to feel a woman so close so bad..I crave the intimacy, the touches, the embraces, the passion. I want to feel alive, fearless and in love. I want to distract myself from the life I live. I want more. I want to LIVE.

I know I need to end my marriage but I am so damn terrified. I have never been on my own before. My husband knows we won't last either. I know I will have to tell him I want to go..but I feel so bad about leaving him and being selfish like that. We have an open relationship right now but I am too scared to act on it. I am just caged by fear in many ways. It's a long story. I just wanted to vent..