I Truly Hate My Life
I want to be free to do what I want, when I want, answering to no one, just pick up and go if I feel I need a break or a change of scenery. But I can't. Because I have a child, and I'm a single parent. Motherhood isn't for me. I want to follow my passions, do what I love, earn money, take on the world. But I can't, because I have a disability and going two steps from my door takes an unprecedented amount of effort most days. I want to see the world, swim with dolphins out in the open sea, go hiking, work abroad or just lie on the beach somewhere. But I can't because I never have any money. Can't afford to save for both me and a child. Can't get a job because of the disability. So I'm just stuck here. In a busy and noisy city. I want out. And I'm supposed to be this cheery happy person all the time because I don't want to bum my child out. Which means I'm never being authentic. Just living life as a robot. I never used to have thoughts of ending it all, but lately I've been thinking, what's the point!