I wasted my teenage years doing online dating
I've gotten used to dating and of course sending inappropriate selfies of myself to countless people online since the age of 13 and first discovered Facebook at that time during 2nd semester of 8th grade. I used to be super desperate for a girlfriend, wishing/hoping the relationship would last forever and so on. I would fall in love easily especially with someone who has a lot in common with me.
I would be the same way on other apps such as MeetMe (which used to be called MyYearBook), Kik, Skout, Grindr, Skype, TextPlus (it used to have group chats/categories for you to meet people but nowadays not anymore) etc.
I hardly remember names of the people I used to keep in contact with/go out with through online, what conversations I've talked about other than s**, I recognize what their faces look like.
I hardly remember the dates of each and every relationship I've been in and how it ended. Some relationships lasted for weeks and some relationships lasted for 1 month.
I recognized that I've been lacking a lot of love and empathy. I tend to rush into relationships more than having patience. There were times where I broke everyone's hearts and there were times where I've gotten my heart broken.
The main reason why I do online dating is because no one at school really likes me and I'm fully insecure about the way I look. I couldn't stand the idea of being alone and chasing after my dream career first before I meet someone along the way. I wanted to create plans and start a life with someone special. People at school would see me as a creepy/perverted/easily angered (am not bipolar) person.
My family doesn't know anything about this, I've told some of my high school friends whom I still keep in touch with. I forgot what their reactions were.
I sometimes wish I can go back in time to the day where I first discovered social media at age 13 and remind myself not to be on there/not to sign up on any social media sites at all and focus on myself/school instead. But it's already too late for that.
I now deeply regret what I've done and how many people I've hurt over the internet.
I want all my precious time back I've wasted on and use it for something else.
It's all my fault, of course. I feel good just getting this off of my chest.
I felt as if I'm the only one who went through this, I'm unsure if there's one another out there that went through the similar same experience with online dating as I did.
I'm now 19 and have decided to cut off contact with online "friends" whom obviously don't care to begin with, delete all my social media accounts, get back in touch with reality, get a job and chase after my dream career I've always wanted to do since I was a child.
I'm done with all this online dating bullshit, I've been having flashbacks and nightmares along the way every time I get on Kik, MeetMe and Facebook.