I never imagined us like this...
For a few months, I've been working with one of my former students on theater projects. and while she's much younger than me (she's 18, and I'm almost forty), I've always thought she's very pretty. anyway, we've gotten closer recently, to the point of hanging out even when it's not theater-related. sometimes we just drive around talking. I learned a lot about her and vice versa.
well, a couple months ago we were talking. I was a bit buzzed and said something that made her laugh. and when I turned to look at her, I don't know what the h*** possessed me, but I grabbed her face and kissed her. I immediately pulled away and apologized before she could say anything. she was weirded out but nervously laughed it off and said she understood that I wasn't exactly sober. the rest of our conversation went normally.
the next time we hung out (at an art gallery), she seemed to be acting different. at first i thought it was just me, but someone else pointed out that she seemed more outgoing than usual, perhaps a bit flirty. She and I still joked around as usual.
But as we were leaving she asked if we could talk about something in private. I worried something was wrong. Instead, she quietly asked if I could kiss her again. I was confused, but I said yes and did it. When I did she said something about "feeling the same" and something else I didn't quite catch.
Long story short, we ended up making out. The whole time it was happening I thought she would catch herself and stop but she didn't. I had to ask her if she waa drunk or high. She's usually really reserved.
But she told me she was okay with it. Then she told me she loved me. And I told her the same because I honestly do. I just never thought our feelings would ever get that strong, especially because of our age difference and the context of our relationship. So we started seeing each other even more. Eventually we started sleeping together.
Today, she called me and asked me to sit down. She said she thinks she's pregnant. Her appointment isn't until Monday (the home test came out unclear). Right now she's extremely scared, and so am I. She just started college. Her parents don't know we're together at all. There are so many things wrong or odd about this situation.
But for some reason, I'm secretly hoping she might be pregnant. I don't know why. I never, ever wanted to get married or have kids. Yet all of a sudden, it doesn't seem so bad. I know the decision is ultimately hers, and I won't interfere.
I still can't believe how fast it all happened. two years ago she was sitting in my classroom and in a few days, I'll find out if I'm going to be a dad or not. Life is so f****** crazy.