Constant fighting with husband

I'm in a relationship cycle I can't stop. My husband and I have been fighting for the last year. We moved and he started a new job.

When we fight, he says some very hurtful things. I'm sensitive, and it's been getting increasingly worse. I can't handle it anymore. The fights are very intense, loud, screaming and yelling in my face, lots of tears. When I cry now, he laughs at me and tells me I'm a baby and makes "wha wha wha" noises. He typically leaves and goes to the bars with his friends and leaves me home crying. When he comes home, wakes me up to say more mean things. The past few times, I've actually left our home and gone to a hotel for a few days. The cycle is that he is furious when I'm gone, then becomes a bit concerned, after much yelling over text saying what I've done wrong and why he hates me and terrible shaming, he then apologizes and says he's just unhappy and needs to take a look at himself. I apologize for leaving and for being over emotional and come home, but it starts all over again. I know I shouldn't leave, I do. It's not right, and it causes severe anxiety for him and he says makes him sick with worry. I can't take the comments. It's hours of arguing at me while I sit and cry. He will walk away and come back and scream more, throw things, get in my face. I starting to hate myself, my appearance, having a difficult time at work.

Last fight, he said-

I hate you and I hope you die
You'd be a terrible mother ( we had a miscarriage)
Thank god that baby didn't come into this world
You are a g****** piece of s***, lazy sloth
I literally f****** hate you
I went to the bars to see if I could get any takers tonight
Whether you go or stay, doesn't matter. You mean nothing to me
I'm dead inside. I look at you and feel emptiness
I hope you drive your car into oncoming traffic
If you kill yourself, no one will miss you
You're nobody to me
If you didn't make me mad, we wouldn't be here. You drive me to a new level of crazy
You think you see me upset now. You've seen nothing, you have no idea how far I can go
If you ever loved me, you wouldn't upset me like this
You don't know sadness. I'll show you what it means to be miserable
You're a piece of s*** c***
You are f****** retarded
You're a s***, b****, w****, garbage, fat, bad in bed

When I leave, he begs me to come back. When I'm home, he's fighting again and angry. He says that he hates me constantly, but when I leave, He tells me it nearly kills him. He says abandoning him makes him lash out and it's a circle. I can't take hating myself anymore. The fighting is tearing me down to feeling worthless. It's constant. I have no one to talk to. He's represented in the community. On a few instances when I've been forced to attend an event because I have to (like last week), I had tears in my eyes. I tried to keep it together, but right before we walked in to the event, he told me I looked like trash and that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Then he pinched my arm and told me if I made a scene, I would be sorry and he'd make my life h***. I hate myself because I can't keep my emotions in line, I keep walking out on my husband because I can't handle fighting, and he continues to get worse as a result of my actions. Leaving is not the right answer. Every month is worse than the last. I'm contributing to the problem. I don't know what else to do.


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  • You need a good f***, I have an 8in fat c***

  • No idea if this post is still active; but mental illness is an issue here. Stable, healthy people do not rejoice in the loss of a child. You cannot help this man by staying, and frankly, you have no relationship. Do not live a lie.

    Find support and go! Do not walk. Flee.

  • This marriage is beyond repair. As one commenter below said, counseling wouldn't help this situation. You can love him and believe that things will change, but his yelling and calling you names is plain and simple abuse. It will most likely escalate to physical abuse, if it hasn't already. When he goes to work, contact a support group so they can help you get out of there safely. You're very life is in danger and it's not being dramatic. If anyone thought that this could work out, or there was potential for him to change we would support you on that notion. He sounds very dangerous and you have to stop making excuses for him. Who he was when you got married to him, is not who is now. If his behavior is all of a sudden different maybe he his abusing drugs, hiding something or has a mental illness. Right now, you need to put your safety first. Get out.

  • Divorce him. My now ex wife was verbally abusive to the point I didn't want to get her pregnant. She said the wrong thing one night and I left her and later on divorced her.

    You do the same thing with your piece of s*** hubby.

  • Get out now before he snaps one day, and physically hurts you! He sounds like he has a mental illness called Bipolar..... Go seek counseling now....

  • Love is shown, not said in apologies. He doesn't love you and you don't love yourself for staying. No one is making you stay, no one will look out for you... that is something only you can do for yourself. His behavior will only get progressively worse and soon your life will be at stake. Your choice: Stay and die or leave and thrive.

  • Submit to him. Allow him to lead.

  • I wouldn't trust that guy to lead me around the block. All he shows is insecurity, inferiority, immaturity, no respect, cowardice, abusiveness toward his wife. He's a petty, pathetic, whining, conniving, threatening little man on a power kick. If he had pinched me before a big function like that, I would have kicked him square in the berries and told him off loudly and in front of everyone. I would have made a huge scene, humiliated him. If he'd have threatened me in private and said those words to me he'd be speaking out the back of his head. Only a weakling would cower before this dipweed. Submit to him? What kind of advice is that? Tell him to stick it and you can stick it too. OP, don't be weak. This guy needs his rear end kicked square. He deserves no patience, understanding, or love. You leave him and he goes oh boo hoo? Well, good! Let him cry, the baby. He deserves nothing. Nothing. Except maybe the back of my hand to knock the chip off his shoulder. What a dork. The OP is thinking this is the best she can do, but this guy's just trash. I see no redeemable qualities in him. He's an emotional child and thinks he's an emperor. Couples in real relationships treat each other with respect. I would make this husband cry, laugh in his face, take him for everything he's got, and walk away and if he comes back, then the gloves would REALLY come off. Who puts up with this garbage? Not me.

  • The man can't lead, he's a walking disaster.

  • I can understand him because in a way I am in a similar situation. I totally love my wife but for some reason we degenerate into arguing. So I totally understand him saying he loves you and it would kill him if you left. I know I worry about if my left. It would be just the end.

  • Why do you fight all the time? And if you love her and she loves you, why not try to stop it? I am presently out of the house after this last terrible fight. My last text from my husband was, "I can see that I'm an ugly person. We used to have a beautiful life, and this is far from it. I'm a cancer to you. It's best if you stay away'. I don't want to have him suffer. I want to go back and work through this. It's every few weeks, and then it's starts again. Drinking does play a part, after he's with his friends. What would you want your wife to say or do so that you could get back to good? I can't live like this, but I can't give up either.

  • His texts are so transparently manipulative, like an adolescent's mind games. Do you really fall for that pity party act? He sounds pathetic!

  • After a lost child, a move away from family, and starting a new job, there has been depression. I'm trying to be understanding at the increase of fighting and lashing out. I do see now from all the comments that the situation is bad and maybe past counseling. I just didn't want to give up on the marriage.

  • Maybe it's time for perspective: my wife over our 13 year marriage is my best friend. We share mutual respect. She has my back, and I have hers. You know why? Because it's a rotten world, full of small and violent a.s.s.h.o.l.e.s. like your hubby. But I can rely and trust on one person, and her alone, which is all I need. After work, instead of tv, we talk for hours, until bed. I just want to make her smile and laugh. In my time of personal grief when my Dad died last year, she's been my comfort, she helps me. I'm as grateful for it as I am for everything she does for me, big or small, and just being there in my life. I've been burned so many times by so many others that I let into my heart, before I met her and after, but she's my constant. I worry about nothing. I'm happy with her, and without. Life's just better with a companion who's worthy of coming along for the journey. When I leave the house I know no man can measure up for her, and that there's nothing and no one else she wants. Not because I've done some awesome things, though I have, but because she brings out my best, never my worst, and so she gets my best. To me, that's what a healthy relationship is. It has nothing to do with power, obeying, insults, threats, ulimatums, violence, intimidation. If I tried to do the things your husband does, she would find a way, she would never put up with it, and I'll be d.a.m.n.e.d if I would allow it. To her or to me. I think pretty much everyone can and should have a relationship like that.

  • Those texts show he's only continuing the same games. I promise you that. Maybe you should focus on yourself, let him fend for himself. Everybody's got problems, but to take them out on your wife is just plain low.

  • ^^^^^ the wnd if the abuse and that is all - trust me he will find another victim before you can unpack your suitcase - RUN!

  • Fake

  • Leave immediately. Don't look back. Close this awful chapter, and look forward to a new one. Get counseling for yourself tomorrow.

  • I'm the poster- I was scared to look at the comments fearful people would tear me apart. I haven't left and continue to come back because we lost a child, moved, and he's started a new job. I'm trying to be understanding that he's depressed or having a hard time. He's always been aggressive fighting, it has just increased to this level. I know there is something wrong if I can get so upset that I leave my home sometimes. At the same time, he says that running away is abandoning him, and he is left fearful and stressed, which only makes him resent me and continue to build up anger. I don't want to give up, and am willing to do the work to repair us. I'm just sad daily and can't get him to seek counseling or see his side. When I through out the words 'emotional abuse' he said I was crazy and needed pills. I know there is a good man inside, I just can't see him anymore.

  • Please listen to me! I lived your life for 13 years and I'm still fearful of men because I thought my ex was deep down a good person. I would leave the house too, sometimes he'd just lock me out for no reason. I went from a very confident woman to a broken soul who trusts no man. I don't care if he started a new job! I moved across country so mine could have his dream job, and I lost mine. Systematically he broke me down. Mine would never get counselling either! He's an emotional abuser and you are his VICTIM. Is he doing drugs? If so, that will escalate the aggressiveness. How dare he blame you for a miscarriage; mine impregnated me while I was sleeping; forced me to have an abortion, and screamed at me the whole day! If I could turn back time I would have bashed his head in when I came to in the middle of the act! But I loved him at the time; now I hope he dies everyday! He did so many horrible things I don't even want to write them here! Please, please get out, he can never love you! Prayers for you darlin!

  • You don't deserve to put up with vile evil comments like that, we only get one life, enjoy it be happy and move on, you can do better xxxx

  • You don't deserve to put up with vile evil comments like that, we only get one life, enjoy it be happy and move on, you can do better

  • Maybe the guy has some issues with the miscarriage, maybe he's just a loose cannon waiting to explode, but this is not how a healthy relationship functions. I couldn't read all the things he said because quite honestly they began terrifying me. When can we accept that it's abuse? When he physically beats you to a pulp? A slap? Why even wait that long? But you may not like my point of view because I am certainly not one to allow myself to be spoken to in that fashion by anyone, and the more highly regarded publicly he is, the more determined I would be to snap that attitude right outta the ballpark, madam. I don't allow people to judge me to me face like that. In a marriage, to me, the heart that beats within it is this: Respect. I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I hope you can free yourself of this. Basic human dignity. It's yours.

  • People will tell you to try counseling before giving up, that you should make every attempt to save the marriage, blah, blah, blah. Let me be blunt. A man who would say to you the things this one has already said -- especially following a miscarriage -- is not going to see the error of his ways, nor is he going to modify his default position: i.e., that you're to blame for everything (whatever is included in "everything") and that you're worthless. Whatever you do, do NOT have children with this man. Whether or not you're willing to accept and absorb his abuse, do not bring another target for his anger and wrath into the world. My two cents? Leave now. Begin anew. FAR from this monster.

  • I agree, DO NOT bring kids into this world with that man.


  • Just run! Dont look back!

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