My secret

I was raped when I was 13.
It f***** me up. Real bad.
I can't trust anyone.
I push everyone away. Especially guys.
I've never had a boyfriend. I've never made out with a guy.
Only kissed one when I was 14 he was 19. It was the first night I met him.
He pushed me against his car and kissed me.
I'm 18 now. And though I feel pathetic for never having made out with a guy. I wish I could go back in time and take back that kiss.
And most of all I want to take back that f****** rape.

I want more than anything to just be 'pure'.
I want more than anything to fall in love.
Not just get a boyfriend.
I want to fall in love and get married.
Even if that means waiting till I'm 20 or even older to finally make out with a guy then I'll wait. I want my husband to be the first man I have ever made out with.

That sounds stupid.

Oh, and my secret... none of my friends know I've never made out with a guy. They're all sexual active so I just lie and say I've done things with guys before.

djskajdlask

11 Comments

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  • Talk to someone about it, sweetie. Please. Release yourself.

  • 9 or 10 would have been a better age

  • I know it might sound scary, but if you ever want to get over your emotional injuries then you should really go talk to someone, like a therapist. it makes sense that you don't trust anyone, especially men. I don't either, but I've never even been raped. before you can get in a real relationship that will make you feel good again, you need to take care of yourself and talk to someone :)

  • sweety you'll be fine you need to talk to someone
    let it all out that will make you feel A LOT better :P

  • I felt the same way after my dad did the same to me untill I met my husband now. I did not feel I could trust men. Whatever you do, don't give up. You will find someone. And don't listen to this a hole who writes in all caps.

  • have you ever told ANYONE (besides us) abotu the rape? I think you should because you need to get that out in the open and deal with your sexual issues that circle around the rape. I can understand, though, I have been raped as well. I didn't tell anyone, and ended up being promiscuos through out highschool. Do you know what made me feel better? The same guy (that I never told anyone about) was arrested 2 years later for rape. I didn't tell cause I figured no one would believe me, and i was kind of "leading him on" at that party. Only later in my life did I realize that those feelings are completely normal to have after being violated. I have since talked to my mom, my boyfriend, and my sisters about what happened to me. It felt damn good to look at his mugshot, and say to myself, that guy got what he deserved, he raped me. Well, I love the girl who told even though I don't know her. I know she saved many other girls from being scarred and damagedfrom him. . .I only wish I had had the courage to save her.

  • ^ Lame.

  • damn yo u are real rude how the heck u could leave that comment to her like that........u shut the fucc up........wowo i wish i knew who u was ...i wouldve puch ur face already

  • ^ Dude, you are one of the worst trolls I've ever seen.
    That's just plain lame.

  • Interesting name - are you Icelandic or Swedish or something?

  • theres no need to lie! why do thay need to know weather you have or not yourve got nothing to be ashamed of!
    i know were you coming from when you say you dont trust no one but you gotta remember that a*** hole that raped you isnt worth nothing! your worth 1000 more, i know its hard but try and forget it ever happend your as oure as you want to be!!! and one day you will find that specile someone that you will love and make love to and you will beable to trust, and there treat you right and will take the bad memorys away, trust me it happened to me!

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