I'm stuck

The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because my dad cares to much about me. But he's the only one who cares. I have no friends. I have people who say they're my friends but they never talk to me. They never want to hang out with me.
I feel depressed all the time. Unless I'm experiencing what I call "fake happiness" which is kind of like happiness, but it's temporary. The feeling you get when you watch YouTube.
While I could just watch YouTube for the rest of my life, I need to figure out something else. I've done bad things like date people who don't care about me, and I even stole a knife from the kitchen once to hurt myself.
I just want friends who care about me and a happy life. I just want to feel truly happy. Like I said, the only motivation I have to not kill myself I my father. Every time I think about killing myself I think of him. And how awful he would feel.
But I wanna be able to not kill myself because *I* care about me. I don't. If my dad died, I'd kill myself in an instant.

Anyway. It feels good to get that off my chest. I really hope anyone can give me some advice on how to deal with these feelings.

Ps. The reason I haven't told my dad about this I'm to scared that he won't take me seriously.

8 Comments

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  • Tell ur dad just for the heck of it

  • When did u last get f***** go dress up get out meet some s*** empty ur b**** have fun

  • Dont think of killing urself u might hav probs but they are nothing 2 that n the afterlife u would burn n h*** for ever

  • Okay, now I'm curious, and it's a good moment for me to let my mind wander, I wonder what would you do if you were with friends, and how would it make you happy? Would they all be taking turns fluffing up your hair and giggling over Justin Bieber while they paint your nails? Is that happy-happy? Or are you having a burly brotherhood time, by day chopping wood by the pond next to the cabin by old man Johnson's farm, then fishing while drinkin beer and telling war stories, then at night in sleeping bags by fire, whispering in trembling, emotional voices all those manly worries your sure your hairy, rugged buddies endure, but do not and can not violate the sacred Man Code by uttering in the daylight, but only in the true special moments of friendship like this? Is that happiness? Or is it a cinematic montage of endless fun, road trips, concerts, jumping spontaneously into mud, drinking Mountain Dew, hang gliding to the extreme, laughing, dancing, laughing, singing, laughing, partying, laughing, hugging, laughing some more! Like, this is what I want to know: what is it, do you believe, about having friends that makes you happy? Are you picturing something more intimate, like discussing Wittgenstein and various ontological constructs while smoking pipes acquired from one of your caravan treks along the Spice Route? I don't understand this concept because happiness, I've found, comes from within. Watching youtube videos is great, go for it, champ, I'm not looking down on you. I watch them as well, but mainly use it for something constructive, like a project or a how-to. Before spouse, great job, good friends, and other blessings, I had to make my own happiness. It's asking a lot for someone else to do it for you. They're out there doing their own thing.

  • I am lik u curious i tried bi nevr again

  • Sometimes I think I'm jaded, yet here I am surprised to discover that once again, someone devotes all their time, efforts, and energy into self-loathing, and then comes here to crow about it. Think about it, if you're the indication of the sentiment of thousands, then all these people are scattered throughout the country, sullen and miserable. So, that's how your day went? Mine was great, thanks for asking. I went to the gym at 5 a.m. Saturday, came home and tended my garden. The roses are lovely in abundant bloom, I'm proud for this because it was a summer planting. More tomatoes to harvest, soon carrots and beets. Next I sanded down the old patio table that I got for free. I have temporarily removed the glass top so I can repaint the frame, you dig? I've never tried a project like this before, but I'm pleased with the progress so far, and I'm sure to enjoy meals outside in the autumn, which should be pleasant. Right now I'm taking a break, listening to the birds, enjoying the summer shade, reading books and pathetic confessions. Life is good. Notice that none of my happiness comes from or involves friends.

  • Hey I felt the same way but I had no-one except my grandmother and grandfather no one else ever gave a s*** about me. I have had a terrible life i was molested by two different family members and my baby setter. But as soon as i was old enough i joined the military in hopes of diving with honor but i lived. I got out of the military kinda of disappointed and very alone. then two weeks later I married a girl i feel in love with we have been married for 17 yrs now i love life. I have three children whom i have given my all to and they love me too so I went from 2 people who loved me to one and then made three friends lol. life is never perfect but it can change if you make it change much life in the face and demand more. Find a purpose so you do not become too self centered we as humans tend to do that ya know. I Bet your life is way better than you think also surround yourself with positive things and avoid media that is negative and useless. don't worry be happy people are very much attracted to other positive people smile, dance, have s** and enjoy life.

  • I wish my baby sitter molested me

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