Concerned about Wife's Night Out

Last week my wife went out drinking with some friends from work. It was a "girl's night out" type of thing, for a friend who was recently engaged. We've been married for nearly 20 years, and I have a high level of trust with my wife. I told her to have a good time and to call me to pick her up, if she needed.

Well, she never called me for a ride, but did come home later than I expected (2 AM) after taking a cab. She was totally wasted. I had to basically peel her out of the back seat and carry her into the house. Her hair was a bit matted, her blouse was somewhat wrinkled, and she had her high heels off, because she was too drunk to walk in them.

I got her upstairs to the bedroom and, as she mumbled incoherently, started to take off her skirt and other clothing items before going to bed. As I undressed her, what surprised me was that for some reason she had already previously taken off her panties and put them in her purse. They were also wet in the crotch, and it didn't smell like urine, like she had p***** herself or anything. I'm not talking damp, either, but wet.

I asked her the next morning why she had put her panties in her purse before coming home, and she said that she had no idea--that she had been too drunk. I'm not too sure if this answer works for me. I actually put the panties in a bag, and I'm thinking about sending them to a lab for DNA testing. She thinks this is completely irrational and is upset about it. I'd just like to get a few answers that she is either unwilling or unable to provide, and feel that my desire to get the panties tested is justified. It's become a sticky point in our relationship (no pun intended).

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  • Take it to the lab. It's been a month did you find out?

  • You are in a tough situation. You need to find proof before you say anything anything else. I suggest not to look too hard or you'll go crazy like my ex-wife.

  • She got f*****.

  • Hmmmm.

  • There's only one thing to do mate. Level the playing field, go out for a boys night , get wasted and forget what happens.

  • All right, well! The first thing you gotta do is... don't get your panties in a knot.

  • My thinking is that this behavior isn't acceptable for the reason that in this condition, your wife was not safe. This concerns maturity. Broaching it without sounding like you are scolding a puppy that just peed on the carpet won't be easy. But the 'safety' issue needs discussion. Too many things could happen. Perhaps she should consider whether these people are truly 'friends.'

  • Does your wife normally get so drunk she doesn't remember things? Could someone have put something in her drink that she just has no idea what happened. The idea that you say you trust your wife, but are that suspicious and going to the extreme to get her panties tested and won't drop it - I would think that you are the one that has something to hide and is cheating.

  • I'm not convinced this poster has anything to hide. Usually it's true that people expect cheating when they are themselves cheating, but those people usually are quite paranoid. Like "the ketchup bottle was turned sideways, ARE YOU CHEATING?" When your wife comes home drunk with her panties in her purse and doesn't remember anything, I mean, COME ON.

  • She probably doesn't remember what happened, and she's fighting you because she's scared that they'll come back positive for DNA. It doesn't sound like she intended to do anything when she set out, so that is important. Obviously she still loves you and doesn't want to lose you, but just let herself get completely out of control. This is kind of a lose-lose-lose situation, because no matter what you do, the relationship will suffer. My advice? Decide right now whether the DNA on those panties is a dealbreaker for you. If they came back positive for someone else's fluids, would you send her packing? If so, have them tested. If not, then you would be better off throwing them in the washing machine and not putting her through the guilt.

  • I would get them tested then get her tested for STIs

  • She probably cheated, when the proof comes back, throw her out. Find a woman who is worthy.

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