Beyond confused

I've been in a relationship with a fantastic guy that I know I'm going to marry. When I think about spending the rest of my life with him I'm at peace but then there are times where I freak out and have no idea what to do because he is the last person I want to spend my life with! I love him I do, but I want to be able to experience life and being with him I feel I won't be able to do that. I've always wanted to hook up with a girl and for him it is "strictly forbidden."
I don't want to lose myself being in love with this man.

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