Broken hearted dad

So sad 3 beautiful daughters ,After the wife of 21 years has a string of boyfriends .She divorces me ...makes me into the bad parent .I am married after 2 years separation to a new lady and they wont come and see us .Yet fly around the world ...so sad .So I make contact and they are waiting for ME to apologise ...OMG .I have not missed a birthday and have paid for air tickets which they didn't have the curtecy of coming anyway ,So sent them a letter saying how disappointed I was in them not to have a 5 min chat to my wife when she was last in town and I said how I felt abandoned by them and their mother ......Now they want me to apologise ...I want to run ...its oldest ones 30 th birthday next week and think they have moved .....Well I am at my whits end ...I have nothing more left in the tank I have held my arms open for 13 years....Think I am done .
So painful........Any advice anyone ?

s

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  • Defuse the situation. They want an apology. Give them one. Be positive. Be cool.

    The ex will be expecting hate & anger and so on and probably feeds on it. You will totally f*** her by not feeding her narscism.

  • Be realistic about what is achievable, what you want to achieve, for your relationship with your children. (Forget your ex, you moved on from her.)
    Say that apologising wouldn't be right, if you believe it is not. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, they may not agree with it. If you don't think you need to apologise then say so. Try to take time to emotionally process the situation before you contact them again. Birthdays and occasions can hurt because it marks the time that you lose touch. But it's not your fault you were rebuffed. What you need to do is to keep the door open.
    At the right time, when you are composed enough to not say anything you would regret, tell them how it is: the door is still open, but you can only have a relationship with them if honesty about your real feelings, of whatever it is you were meant to apologise for, is acceptable in that.
    They may never take you up on it, and you have to be realistic about whether they will see eye to eye with you, or to what degree. But you shouldn't close the door, you do not want to do that, you just need to create clarity in the situation. As soon as you are sure you first get clarity in your own head that is.

  • Let go and move on.Sometimes, that's all you can do :(

    I disown toxic people, from my life. Maybe it's time for you, to do the same. They're breaking your heart.

  • Tell them to f*** off!! If they don't want to know you, you've done your best and they're grown ups now.If they don't appreciate and respect you, it's their loss. They have issues, not you!!
    It must be hard as father, to be treated this way by your children. But you haven't done anything, wrong.
    They'll realise one day, what a conniving b**** their mother is and they'll come crawling back to you, with their tails between their legs.
    It's just a matter of time. Hopefully, they'll see sense soon, rather than later x

  • Tell them to b***** off. The whole lot.

  • Agree with the post below about apologizing. There are always two sides and then there's the truth. You can blame your exwife and she can blame you for the reasons the marriage didn't work out. Regardless of what happened between your wife and you, who's ever fault it was or wasn't, those kids fell into the middle and chose a side. They're mad. They may not be ready to see you with another woman, even if you married her. If anything, your first meeting with your daughters, should be you and them before bringing your new wife. Chances are it will take awhile for them to accept her. But you need to deal with it now. Do not let more time go by, life is short.. make a fresh start fresh and just begin to make amends with them. And in making your apology to them, do not say anything negative about your ex wife to your kids, that is still their mother. Seeing a therapist may also be very helpful for you too.

  • It's a sad world we live in. There is no logic in any of this. I'd take a conciliatory approach so you can keep contact. They want an apology, give them one. It takes the wind out of their sails. It's really hard to deal with the lies and vindictivness that develops. So when they accuse you of something you have to calmly take it in and keep talking asking gentle questions and so on. Also stay happy and do happy things. Invite them to do things with you. Don't set them up or anything. You'll never get back what might have been but you can reconnect. Good luck.

  • Tell them they're a crappy family if what u say is true.

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