Getting past depression

I have been struggling with depression.

One of the things I have noticed about myself is that I think I get into a comfort zone of self satisfying misery.

By that I mean that I hate being depressed. I much prefer being happy. When I am not depressed I feel light, alert, awake, energised.

But when I am down, Just a bit down, I get into this sorry old me state. Recently I have noticed that I can either stay in that mild depressive self satisfying moody state

or I can take a deep breath, focus on getting over it. A bit of exercise and or coffe and or talking to people helps with that. It takes effort and I need to focus on thing in the moment. Blaming the past or worrying about the future or being jealous of those who have more flips me into the depressed state. If I try hard and relax then I can get back to the happy relaxed state.

Or I can go down into a deeper sadder depression. I hate that. No energy. Can't see my way through things. Blame blame blame. Everything feels like its someones fault. I start planning my suicide. The only things that stop me following through on that are my kids and the fear of only half succeeding oh and also I forgot to pay my insurance which would not cover suicide anyway.

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