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Struggling to be a good father
I'm 32 with three kids and I can literally feel my health disintegrating from the stress of trying to manage a successful career and balance a family.
I love my family, but being a good father doesn't come easy at all. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes I have to put my littlest one in his crib and walk away because I can't trust myself to make smart decisions when he gets worked up and melts down. All I want to do is be a good father but sometimes I literally feel like I'm not capable of being one.
All your friends that tell you how easy life is after having a kid are full of **. One thing I've learned about parents, everyone is an expert and everyone's perfect. Behind closed doors marriages are on the rocks, people are screaming at their kids and lots of parents aren't happy. Society lies to you and gives you this perfect image of what having kids will be like, and sometimes, on those great days, it is sunshine and rainbows, but most of the time it's trench warfare you spend your whole day desperately trying to maintain enough emotional composure that you don't mess up your kids for life.
Doing even the simplest activities become impossible. Need to drive to the corner store for milk? Hopefully you have 20min to dedicate solely to entering and exiting your vehicle.
Yet despite all this somehow I'd burn alive for them and I would be desperately sad if I lost them. It's witchcraft. Why do I love such misery?
I like all the triggered anti-natalists on posts like this. At least they do humanity a favor by not making condescending versions of themselves for the rest of us to deal with. Thanks!
People have been having kids for tens of thousands of years. Yet it's always such a surprise when someone who just HAD TO have them finds out what it's really like. And that's on top of all the benefits society loads onto you just for having reproduced.
It tracks that stupid people make the most babies. Proof of that is staggering around right now, each one thinking it's the center of the universe and not caring who gets knocked aside as they stumble through life. And you've added to that. What an idiot.
>>"All your friends that tell you how easy life is after having a kid are full of s***. One thing I've learned about parents, everyone is an expert and everyone's perfect. Behind closed doors marriages are on the rocks, people are screaming at their kids and lots of parents aren't happy."
Someone like me could have told you all of this before you had kids, but you wouldn't have listened, because I'm actually capable of thinking. People love to bang on about how we're the most intelligent species, yet rational thought goes out the window SO quickly-- especially when it comes to "You know what this overpopulated world really needs? More of ME!!!"
Thanks for the schadenfreude, bro :D
You're doing a great job. A lot of times you have to make the rules up as you go. Life is full of challenges, you just have to roll with the things that come your way. And what's happening behind someone else's closed doors, does not mean it's happening or will happen behind yours. Having children is work and there's nothing easy about it. It will always be challenging, because their needs change as they age. But the rewards are great. What all parents need to do is find balance and ask for help when you need it. That's not easy, but it's important to find some sanity in the insanity of raising kids, working and maintaining a marriage. Know this, even in the madness or self doubt that you are feeling your kids are lucky to have a dad like you. Being present and helping out and making sure their needs are met are the best gifts you can give.
It gets better. My wife and I are empty nesters (all kids out of the house, finally!) and we love it. We ** like rabbits all over the house now. Hang in there it gets better as they get older. This may seem like a ** of a burden but these are the best gifts you'll ever get in life. Enjoy it to the fullest.
It is hard man. I'm 35 with three kids and it definitely is a struggle a lot but keep your head up! Just keep the thought in your mind always, I can be better.
You're not alone!!!
Dude I literally laughed out loud about the trip to the store for milk story. Being a parent is hard