I might have a problem.
It's been about two years now since I've had a very odd but intense obessession. I don't know if it's normal and perfectly healthy for my own sanity or if it's something for which I need to see a professsional.
Well, here it goes:
I am a 43 year old man, and I live with my wife and two daughters. My oldest daughter is currently 14 years old and has about three friends with whom she hangs out regularly. One of her friends who is also 14 vehemently infatuates me. She is so beautiful, smart, and funny that it makes me wish that I was her friend too. Let's call her Ashley.
Ashley is definitely the leader of the pack-- my daughter and her other friends always follow her every way. It makes me want to follow her too. When my daughter isn't home, I put on my daughter's clothes (I'm a 5'3" man who is 118 lbs) and put on her perfume and some make-up (I'm getting pretty good at it now) and pretend to be friends with Ashley. Ashley sometimes leaves clothes from sleep overs in my daughter's closet, and I've tried those on too. I like putting them onto my daughter's big teddy bear too and cuddling with it-- pretending that it's Ashley, of course.
Seeing that our daughters are best friends, I've gotten use to seeing Ashley's father and have even gone out to be friends with him as well. Of course, I really only befriended him because of my extreme obsession with his daughter. I don't even really like the man. Sometimes we go fishing together. Last week, he invited me on a fishing trip with his buddies that was going to last all weekend, but I declined. His wife wanted to go on trip with her gal friends to some convention in Indianapolis as well, so they asked me if Ashley could stay at our place for the weeked. I said yes-- of course!
What worries me is that I simply couldn't help myself. I knew that no one was going to be at their home, so I drove over there and let myself in their house (they left my wife with a key, and I snatched it when she wasn't in our bedroom). I went straight for Ashley's room and tried on almost every article of clothing she had-- even the clothes in the dirty hamper. I took one of my favorite outfits and other little souvenirs. One this of which I'm reather embarrassed is that I took as much of Ashley's hair that I could find from her brushes and put them in a ziplock baggy. If I smell the hair, it smells JUST like Ashley, and it's intoxicating.
I want to say that this is NOT a sexual admiration AT ALL. I would never have such thoughts. I just want to be her. Is this normal for a middle-aged man? I feel like I'm just discovering that I just want to be a transgender female, but in this case, I want to be a 14 year old girls who is just like Ashley. Any thoughts on this would be very helpful. Thank you.