breaking point

My husband left me almost 3 years ago, 9 days after the birth of our second son. I wasn't unfaithful, I took care of him, I learned to like football, woodworking, cars, etc. so I could stay connected with him...the long & short of it is, he found someone at work, and rather than full-out cheat on me, left me for her - someone older than me, made less money than me, someone completely & utterly fake. I take care of our two sons throughout the week, and he gets them every weekend, any time off he has, and we split the days on holidays. Honestly, my two boys are the only reason I'm still alive. I'm so tired of this charade I call a life. I've dated since the divorce...the first one apparently wanted a "mommy" figure, as I wound up taking care of him, and since he didn't have a job, I wound up paying for everything...the second one was just strange, wouldn't see or hear from him for a week or so...I'm just so tired of wondering what's wrong with me. I'm so tired of watching what I say, holding it all inside, afraid to let people know how I really feel. I've never been one to hold things back, and I find myself doing it more and more because I have to. So many times I've wished I could just die. I've thought about it several times, but I know my kids deserve more than that, so I don't do it. I just think about how easy it would be, how I wouldn't have this burden I could finally rest. I could put my mistakes behind me, I could quit living in regret. I could finally be free.


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  • I feel for you. I understand the burden of wanting to die in order to put mistakes behind you, etc., because I am struggling with this myself, although my circumstances are different.

    I would suggest talking to a therapist about your issues. It might help give you a different perspective. You seem caught in a very self-destructive thought pattern, and brooding about the negative things that have happened to you will eat you alive. Do the best thing for yourself and your children: seek professional help, in order to be forward-looking about your future. Time does not heal all wounds, but there are ways to be positive about life and your future in ways that will enable you to grow. Peace.

  • i agree with all the other comments dont look for any one right now but dont give up u will find someone who deserves u and like comment 2 ur above ur husband right now its hard but just find strength in u, ur kids, and god u will get through this theres no where else to go but up from here

  • Your situation sucks, and your baby daddy is a piece of dog s***, but honey, things will get better! Insiead of trying to find a man, try enjoying life by spending more time with your kids. Go out and do fun things with your friends when he has the children. Most men suck, we all know that, but somewhere there is a good guy for you. Don't settle for losers you and your kids deserve better than that girl!

  • I'm sorry.
    You are probably definately the better woman.
    But people seek out "their level" it's who they connect most with.
    You, honey, are above him and an admirable person.
    He just wasn't ment to be with you.
    You'll find someone.
    So for now, stay strong, and give yourself a breather and enjoy your children.

  • Dear, i dont know you but my advice to you is that please have faith on god. he s the creator of this world. if god created this world then he has also taken the responsibility to look after it. i know that you are feeling very low at this moment but please be brave because atleast you have hope (your sons)...

    Take care & be brave

    may god bless you

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