My husband left me almost 3 years ago, 9 days after the birth of our second son. I wasn't unfaithful, I took care of him, I learned to like football, woodworking, cars, etc. so I could stay connected with him...the long & short of it is, he found someone at work, and rather than full-out cheat on me, left me for her - someone older than me, made less money than me, someone completely & utterly fake. I take care of our two sons throughout the week, and he gets them every weekend, any time off he has, and we split the days on holidays. Honestly, my two boys are the only reason I'm still alive. I'm so tired of this charade I call a life. I've dated since the divorce...the first one apparently wanted a "mommy" figure, as I wound up taking care of him, and since he didn't have a job, I wound up paying for everything...the second one was just strange, wouldn't see or hear from him for a week or so...I'm just so tired of wondering what's wrong with me. I'm so tired of watching what I say, holding it all inside, afraid to let people know how I really feel. I've never been one to hold things back, and I find myself doing it more and more because I have to. So many times I've wished I could just die. I've thought about it several times, but I know my kids deserve more than that, so I don't do it. I just think about how easy it would be, how I wouldn't have this burden anymore...how I could finally rest. I could put my mistakes behind me, I could quit living in regret. I could finally be free.