I hate being a mom
I f****** hate being a mom. I love my child with all my heart but I wasn't ready for this. The person I had the baby with said he'd be there every step of the way and now I'm stuck doing this alone. I can't pee alone, eat, sleep, bathe f****** none of that. I can't go anywhere and I'm a f****** stay at home mom because my child's father wasn't going to take off work to watch her and no one else could and I didn't have the money to put her in daycare. I'm starting to hate my child's father. We don't even f****** live together because he would rather be a roommate with his friend than to share responsibility of having this child. He thinks because he brings diapers every now and again that he's a "parent". He drops by and leaves. He gets a break and some freedom. I'm here 24/7. It drives me crazy because I have no outlet. Before I was a parent I was just graduating from college and on my own. I don't regret my child but I regret who I had it with and the time period I did. I would've had her when I was a lot older and more stable. I'm living with my mother with no car, no job and I'm f****** 23. I got postpartum depression after I had my baby and they immediately put me on antidepressants that do nothing. I picture myself just running away in the middle of the night and leaving everything all behind but my child needs a mother. She's almost a year old and time can't go fast enough. I just want her to grow up already. The baby phase has been nothing but h***. She came out a preemie and had bad colic and could barely eat. She didn't sleep and still doesn't now. Her father thinks he has it so f****** hard just working at Walmart for a couple hours and coming home. The difference with us is I don't get a break. I have to do this everyday nonstop with ZERO help. I have emotional break downs constantly and just want to end it all. I feel like a failure and I did my life all wrong. I'm so disappointed in myself and I cry everyday about it. I feel so guilty because when I first found out I was pregnant by my child's father I immediately wanted an abortion or go for adoption because he wasn't responsible at all. I still think about it now and always wonder,"What if?" I love my child and I'm happy she is here but I feel like I'm really drowning. I always wonder did I miss out on my life having my child so early. The rest of my friends are living it up and I'm home being a mom....alone.