Being used as welfare

I've been married to my hubby for 18 years, and we've been good. We started out poor, stayed that way for many years, but now we have a few grand in savings. It is not much, but to go from $40K in debt to having something in savings is good. We've busted our rears to get there.

My husband has a female friend who seems to be dead broke and in need of help every three or four years. He has known her since they were in high school. They dated then, but it was long, long ago. Anyway, about three years ago she needed help, so we let her stay with us for a couple of weeks. It was horrible. She never looked for a job, never cleaned our place, and dressed like a tramp, walking around the house in skimpy spandex shorts or simply her panties. I tossed her out, because she was making me crazy. My husband and I fought about it, but we both ended up being okay with each other. We turned that page, or so I thought.

Now here we are again in 2017: that so-called friend texted my hubby saying that she was living in a tent, needed some money, etc. My husband asked me if she could stay with us, and I said, "No way. We've tried that." He asked if we could give her $500, and I said, "Yeah, that's fine, but that's it."

Well, that $500 has run out, and I've found out that my husband has paid for her to stay in a hotel for a couple of weeks to the tune of another $1000. He did it without asking me. This makes me furious. My husband and I have been fighting about it all week. I don't have a problem with helping people, but she is really bad meat. I get that there is some emotional connection between them, from their past, but I feel that she is just taking advantage of my husband and driving a wedge between us. There is no way that anyone can convince me that I am not justified in being upset. We are bankrolling a loser.

Feb 12, 2017

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  • I'd have a serious sit down with your husband and draw a line in the sand: no more money, period.

    It doesn't sound like your husband is having an affair to me. If he were, he'd have more contact with her other than on an every few years basis. It's more likely that he is helping a lost-cause friend. I don't think he is being blackmailed either, as some have suggested (what would be the blackmail?).

    My husband supported a brother of his who was going through tough times, and it was a mess on our finances. We got through it, and I was okay with it. The thing that I find disturbing about your situation is that your husband is giving out money without your approval. You need to make that the point of focus. It isn't about her. It is about the trust that you have with him with regard to how you spend your money. This situation revealed something bad.

  • She gave him s**

  • Hes having an affair

  • Is it possible she's blackmailing him?

  • Ensure you have your own personal bank account with your own savings in, that you don't share with your husband.

    Withdraw your half/input of the savings in your joint bank account and deposit it into your own personal account. That way, your husband isn't spending your contributions on his friend!

    Let him waste his savings, but not yours.

  • They are married , they are a team there is no his or her money its their money and he needs to stop giving it to this other woman. The only way to ensure he doesn't give her anymore money is to move it all into a new account in just her name , keeping only small amounts in the other accounts for bill paying ect.

  • Everyone has different perspectives and lifestyles, that includes what married couples share and don't share, in regards to finances etc.

    My partner and I have a joint bank account, where our household bills are paid out of,each month. We deposit money into that account each month - which accumulates to half of the subtotal of the bill fees - each - so it's equal.

    We also have our own personal bank accounts as well, where our individuals bills are paid such as; car insurance, employment protection coverage, phone contract and any little treats we buy for ourselves etc. And our individual savings are in those accounts as well. We both work and have done so for numerous years and we save each month. We don't share our individual savings with each other, why should we? The only time we do and that's when we want to purchase something for our home, buying presents, going on hols and functions. But apart from that - we don't share our individual savings.

    Every couple have different relationship dynamics in regards to finances and so forth. There's no right or wrong way about it, it's an individual preference. The only time I believe it's wrong and that's when your other half is spending all your money and financially taking advantage of you.

    When we have individual personal accounts, you do as you wish, with your own money and your partner doesn't suffer the consequences.

  • You've misconstrued my comment.

  • You do have every right to be mad! People like this woman will bleed your bank account dry. The fact she has the two of you fighting and your husband going behind your back giving her more money is very troubling. As the other person commented they may be much more than just friends who were in a relationship a long time ago. The fact you came home to her in just her panties would have been all I needed to throw her out and tell my husband he was never to see her again. It seems fishy to me.

  • Yes you do have every right to be p*****! Not just because of the money but sorry to say, your husband is probably f****** her too. Most men don't just hand over $1500. and not expect something in return no matter how good your marriage is especially when they have had a past relationship. They are either f****** or at a minimum she is sucking him off!

  • Heyo don't assume what you don't know, the guy could just be a nice guy

  • True ," there is a sucker born every minute" , and" a fool and his money will soon part" are sayings based on some fact .

  • For $1500 that woman better be treating him damn good!

  • She could be blackmailing him

  • Good point, she could be.

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