Having an affair and don't want to stop

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We are mostly happy, we have our issues as all couples do, but we rarely argue or have major disagreements. The problem is, his s** drive has decreased significantly since we started dating and throughout our marriage. We have two kids in their tweens/teens and that adds to the challenge of finding time for s**, but even when we have gone on trips alone or date nights and the kids out of the house, he still declines s** or makes excuses not to. When we do have s**, it is usually very good. The problem was, despite my pleas, protests, and urging to change, it was infrequent--once a month seemed to be enough to satisfy him, and we even went three months once without s**. On top of that, he practically ignores me and turns me down often for s**.

We have a date night out, and I get dressed up and do my hair and makeup (I am 41, work out a lot and I'm fit and told I am attractive), he hardly looks at me and doesn't even try to have s** with me. It was starting to become hurtful and I was resenting him for it.

So I went on an adult dating website and met someone in a similar situation. We have been seeing each other for about 6 weeks now--meeting in hotels during the week--and the s** is amazing. It is just s**; we are friends and have a good "relationship" in that we both have no desire to leave our spouses, but we are not getting our needs met in our marriages. The crazy thing is, I haven't felt guilty until now.

The problem is, now my husband is changing. He is being more attentive and initiating s** more. I should be happy, but instead I am angry. I feel angry because he ignored me for so long, emotionally, as a person, and sexually, and now I've met this other person who does things with me that my husband won't. He ties me up, spanks me, paddles and whips me, is dominant toward me, is rough with my consent, tells me what to wear and what to do, etc. I love it, and my husband isn't into this. I want to keep my lover, and I don't want to stop.

May 16, 2017

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  • Why stay married if you can’t be loyal or you’re not in love with each other?
    Who knows what he was going through?
    Did you ever take the time to sit him down and ask him? You let this other stranger come in and have s** with you when he doesn’t really deserve it. I would be f****** you to if you let me and I’m sure I’d make up some lie about me and my wife not getting along. Lucky dude probably getting so much p**** he’s confused who is who in bed

  • Your husband maybe be recovering from depression.

    Or he may know, and is hot.for it.

  • Maybe your husband is gay?

  • I would say continue with your lover, and enjoy the attention you are finally getting from your husband. I am in a very similar situation with my wife. It was s** once a month if I was lucky and always her just laying there on her back.
    I confided in her friend one day about our lack of s** and asked her to just be honest and tell me if my wife was having an affair or ever said anything about our s** life. She said my wife always told her our s** life was good. We talked more and more for about a week with her telling me how her husband didn't have much of a s** drive either. Eventually we started meeting for s** and its just s**. We don't want to leave our spouses but need what they are not able to give us .We are very discrete about our sexual relationship and its lasted over five years now.

  • The lady asked if I wanted to spank her and I said no because I did not think she would be into that. She always wore boring ankle length dull dresses and seemed to me to be like what she described her mother to be.

    She said she would be interested to try it.

    So we met and I spanked her and she liked it.

    We did that more and I hit her harder and we started to talk about BDSM and control and power exchange. She said she liked it when I ordered the coffee and selected the table with out asking her. I started to tell her what clothes to wear and that I wanted to whip and cane her.

    So now we have coffee about 3 times a week and usually about once every two weeks I cane or whip her. It takes that long for the bruises to heal. I have bought her mini skirts and dress her up and we go out together. I make her wear diapers and to use them (#1 only). I even tell her what to wear at times even when we are not going out.

  • Then don't!!

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