Having an affair and don't want to stop
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We are mostly happy, we have our issues as all couples do, but we rarely argue or have major disagreements. The problem is, his s** drive has decreased significantly since we started dating and throughout our marriage. We have two kids in their tweens/teens and that adds to the challenge of finding time for s**, but even when we have gone on trips alone or date nights and the kids out of the house, he still declines s** or makes excuses not to. When we do have s**, it is usually very good. The problem was, despite my pleas, protests, and urging to change, it was infrequent--once a month seemed to be enough to satisfy him, and we even went three months once without s**. On top of that, he practically ignores me and turns me down often for s**.
We have a date night out, and I get dressed up and do my hair and makeup (I am 41, work out a lot and I'm fit and told I am attractive), he hardly looks at me and doesn't even try to have s** with me. It was starting to become hurtful and I was resenting him for it.
So I went on an adult dating website and met someone in a similar situation. We have been seeing each other for about 6 weeks now--meeting in hotels during the week--and the s** is amazing. It is just s**; we are friends and have a good "relationship" in that we both have no desire to leave our spouses, but we are not getting our needs met in our marriages. The crazy thing is, I haven't felt guilty until now.
The problem is, now my husband is changing. He is being more attentive and initiating s** more. I should be happy, but instead I am angry. I feel angry because he ignored me for so long, emotionally, as a person, and sexually, and now I've met this other person who does things with me that my husband won't. He ties me up, spanks me, paddles and whips me, is dominant toward me, is rough with my consent, tells me what to wear and what to do, etc. I love it, and my husband isn't into this. I want to keep my lover, and I don't want to stop.