** with a Man

Two weeks ago I had ** with a man for the first time in my life and I cannot stop thinking about it.

I'm 30 years old, been married for 4 years and I have a beautiful wife who I love very much. I think or I thought or maybe I still think that that we have a great ** life. That's how confused I am now.

We both have high pressure but well paid jobs. My wife is a sales rep and her work regularly takes her away from home for 1 or 2 weeks at a time. I miss her terribly when she is away and I tend to work longer hours, eat out a lot and generally let things go a bit.

The last time she went away for her work, she asked her friend, who we've both known for many years, who is gay, to keep an eye on me while she was away. He is mainly her friend but he is also our friend and I guess he's also my friend. He is a lovely man, kind, gentle, witty and great company so I was fine with her asking him to keep an eye on me. I know that I slack off while she is away and I didn't have a problem with that. He's not overtly gay and you'd never know he was gay unless you knew him well.

I have never had a gay thought in my life. Not one. Not ever. He had never, not once shown any interest in me sexually nor said or did anything I felt uncomfortable with.

My wife and I are thinking of starting a family soon and we've started redecorating a spare bedroom as a nursery to be prepared. He helped me paint the ceiling and walls one night while my wife was away and it was a hot night and we ended up sweaty and covered in paint.

I invited him to have a shower to clean up and freshen up and told him he could borrow some of my clothes. It was an entirely and completely innocent invitation. I didn't even think twice about making the offer.

I went into the shower first and when I was in the shower, he came into the bathroom and stripped off. I was surprised and a bit uncomfortable but I didn't feel that concerned. It was awkward for me being in the same room naked with him but I thought I'd be out of there pretty quick so no big deal.

He came over to the shower cubicle and knocked on the glass and jokingly told me to hurry up. I just laughed and told him OK. I hadn't looked at him up till then. When I saw him starting to get undressed I looked away immediately and kept my eyes averted.

He just stood right next to the shower cubicle smiling at me and I looked at him for the first time. Even though I knew he would be naked I still got a huge shock seeing him naked. I couldn't help noticing he was in good physical shape and his body looked much the same as mine.

I don't know why, maybe just natural curiosity, but my eyes strayed to his ** and I felt suddenly terribly embarrassed when I saw it. I turned away quickly and he opened the shower door and came in.

I was so shocked I just froze and before I knew what was happening he knelt down and began sucking my **. Just like that. I panicked and tried to push him away but as I tried to pull away, just as my hands touched his head I suddenly realised how good it felt. I don't know how or why exactly but it felt so much better than my wife doing it.

I really don't know what I was thinking at the time but I did think that now it was done, it was done and I might as well let him finish and nobody would ever know. It sounds so lame now but at the time I wasn't thinking straight.

He stood up suddenly and I felt his ** pressing on my stomach and I realized to my horror and surprise that I also had an **. He asked me if I had ever sucked a ** and I was so dumbfounded by the whole thing I couldn't answer. He put his hand on my head and pushed me down.

I didn't resist but I think I was so shocked and rattled that I didn't know what to do. I ended up on my knees with his ** in front of my face. I'd never seen a man's ** up so close before. It was kind of mesmerizing. I just stared at it.

He took hold of his ** and guided it to my mouth and I just sort of naturally started to ** it. He gently thrust his ** in my mouth and I suddenly realized that I was actually enjoying it. It just felt so different and so good.

After a while he pulled me up, turned me around and told me if I liked that I was going to love this. He got my wife's body lotion that she always rubs on her legs and arms after her shower and rubbed it on his **. Then he ** me. I felt his ** pressing against me and then being slowly forced into me.

He was right. I did love it. My wife and I had ** ** sometimes and I often wondered if she really did like it or if she only did it to make me happy. now I knew. It felt good.

After he came he asked me if I wanted to ** him. I did. After that we got out of the shower and we spent hours ** around, sucking and ** each other.

I didn't see him again until after my wife returned and he acted perfectly normal as if nothing had happened. I think I acted normally too but I cannot stop thinking about it and I think I want to do it again.

I still want to have ** with my wife and it hasn't affected our ** life at all. I don't think ** with him was better but it was different and kind of exciting in a way it isn't with my wife.

I cannot stop thinking about it and it's doing my head in. I feel terrible because it's cheating and I'd hate to do anything to hurt my wife and I know it would if she ever found out. I thought about telling her but I couldn't. Maybe if I'd cheated on her with a woman I could tell her but I just can't bring myself to tell her that I cheated on her with a man.

I want to do it again so badly yet I can't bring myself to make a move. I could call him and tell him but I can't bring myself to dial his number. I keep telling myself maybe I just need to do it one more time and then I'll be over it. I keep making up excuses and trying to make sense of it. I'm not gay and I'm not attracted to men. I just want to do it with him, that's all.

I know it's cowardly and selfish but I keep hoping this whole thing will just go away and I'll forget about it and just get on with my life. I feel better now that I have confessed to it even though it's an anonymous confession and not to anyone that's affected by it.