Grown Stepson Hoarder with ZERO motivation

My wife and I have been married 17 years now. We met on the internet via webcam, and enjoyed each others company. I am from Michigan. She is from Northern California. She was a single mom out of an abusive relationship with an 8 year old girl, and 9 year old boy. I had no children. We all associated on webcam.
Long story short I gave up my life and went to live with her in CA. She helped me find gainful employment, where I still work, 17 years later. I am thankful for that.
Her children were average decent kids when I moved to CA, but when they hit the early teen years, mother nature played a cruel trick on me. Again long story short, the daughter is now a prostitute who we haven't seen in years, who put us through living h*** for the ages of 13-17, when she ran away and never came back. Group homes, police, hospitals, principals offices, alcohol and drugs, vandalism, forced parenting classes, juvenile hall, countless hours worrying, and thousands of dollars later, and she is no longer our problem, thank the lord above.

The son reportedly has "man issues" after his biological father supposedly threw a can of peas on him or something to that effect when he was around 3. Don't know for sure, the story changes every time my wife tells it. (Like a lot of other things I am still learning about).

When I first arrived to live with my wife and her mother and kids in a 4 br rental, everything was great. I was making decent money, I was enriching the kids lives and interacting. We started going places and doing things they could never do because their mother didn't have any money because she was too busy breaking even with the bills at her low paying job.
But one every couple days, the son would start acting weird in the house. He would basically hide in a closet for a while, and mom would have to go "tend to him." Weird. She assured me it was fine, no problem. He just has "man issues."
He should have known I'm no threat at all, in fact I let them know I was there to protect and provide basically. And I was all about letting them have fun and be kids.
So the next time my wife had to "tend" to E***, she hollered to her mom for a couple towels. Towels? WTF. I stayed away because he was having "man issues". Then I smelled p***. My wife assured me everything was OK, he just had to go to the bathroom. She took care of whatever was happening discreetly. I figured maybe he was having a hard time adjusting to having me around. Understood. but?
Also found it weird that his 8 or 9 year old cousin would come over to play, and have to use the potty. And every time he finished, he would yell "gramma, come wipe my butt". No joke. And she did. I was blown away. Blown down, actually.
So E*** somewhat learned to potty train at 8 or 9. He to this day is bathroom dysfunctional. He is 26, 5'11, 300 lbs with a full beard. Refuses to groom. Hoards in the bathroom and his bedroom. To the point where it has become a health issue. He works "on call" at a job, usually 3 days a month to make enough to pay the $300 rent we charge, thank god.
He has lately started to use our off limits ensuite restroom to do some of his personal shopping when my wife, who is now a homemaker, is asleep during the day on the couch.(Another book, another time)
He plays computer all hours in his room. Our dishes vanish into the black hole. The smell is ungodly. When we approach him directly about it, he punches himself in the face over and over. Copout. He's dome that for years. He needs to be diagnosed with Aspergers. He refuses to go. He is intelligent, but only about computer games. Everything else, including money, identification, driving, he is clueless and non-functioning. He got decent grades in school, but had to switch to charter school because the "kids were picking on him" and my coddling wife agreed to that. He graduated.
He uses slick lingo when he talks to me and my wife, and acts like he's got the upper hand in life. He's a 1 upper, which annoys the s*** out of me. And important things have no meaning to him, unless it involves a direct threat to his gravy train. He was approved for food stamps, but he didn't use them, so they cut him off. He has free healthcare through the government, and has become a bit of a hypochondriac. He takes a taxi to the doctor when he has money for that. Amazing. Makes me think he's getting over on us with the under the radar bit. Either way, Im over it, and its old. I refuse to clean his messes because they're nasty.
I have informed my wife that if she were to pass on, I would not be saddled with this situation, as I have a 14 year old biological son who is normal.

Just a warning to a would be stepfather.

Jun 6, 2017

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  • I genuinely believe that this is a real true confession! Rare on this site!

    I feel for you dude, you're a good bloke,you shouldn't have to put up with that,and I know that you're a decent man and are loyal to your wife.

    Maybe do little things to the neckbeard like spit in his food etc.
    Little victories and all that

  • Why do you stay? Are you truly happy?

  • I constantly ask myself just that. I stay because my wife is by default a very kind, simple person who has only love for others in her heart. She wakes up in a happy mood nearly everyday because of the environment I provide for her now, even though she is in pain with a few different medical issues. She knows the abusive s*** times are behind her. She never asks for anything. She is non-material. A sign of pureness of heart.
    Her father passed away suddenly from cancer just before we met. She was his baby. He was her everything. She personally tended to him during his death. It left a hole in her heart. She is a pure, innocent person who deserves a good life. She has a growing list of serious diabetic related illnesses now which require a great deal of money, attention, and medical care.

    I gain peace and happiness when everything is quiet in the house, the bills are paid, the animals are all asleep, the pantry is full, all the prescriptions are filled, and everyones OK. That gives me a sense of accomplishment and purpose in life. I would never have that again if i were to leave. I do enjoy being by myself, and fantasize about living alone, or with my son. The places I would go to visit or live. I could be with my aging family who desperately need my presence to assist them with their problems, which I have to put aside for now. And have for 17 years. The time will come for change, and I am as ready as I can be. But until that definitive time comes, I remain here.

  • You are a saint, my man.

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