Never know what we've got till we loose it
My wife is dead to me. She has zero libido. She is always off doing stuff with her girlfriends. She puts energy into charity and into the home in terms of cooking and ironing the kids clothes but she is always too busy to have s** or even to go out for coffee. If I want a date night I have to book in about a month in advance and she looks for a free evening. It's dead.
So I started having coffee with a lady I have known for years. We talked about everything. politics, religion, society, our kids and especially our feelings. I was feeling spaced out, depressed about my wife not wanting me. What's wrong with me.
She was separated. We talked about her feelings of loneliness too.
Gradually though she was willing to admit that it was not all her husbands fault. She had gotten busy with her mother who was dying and during that time had neglected him. She'd stopped loving him. He went cold on her and it was a spiral down and apart.
Now me and her are having a full blown affair.
She has said she has learned a whole lot and that is that in her own she is so lonely and alone. She did not realise at the time she was married how good it was. Not perfect. But she could have put in more effort.
I find myself torn. For myself, I go back to my wife with renewed effort. I buy flowers, I clean the house, I make sure to make positive comments and smile and try to do the things she likes and not do creepy things. by that I mean when you are madly in love, you kiss and put your tongue in the other persons mouth, well she doesn't like that so even though I'd desperately love to do that because it seems so intimate, she seems to think it's yuck, so I don't do it. Just the littlest kiss peck on the lips to say I love you. But in all this she does not seem to respond.
So I go to my lover and do that and so much more.
I fear one day, I will just not go home. The feeling of the coldness that awaits me versus the hotness of the affair. Coupled with my mistresses statements that she has learned so much and even when she might run past that initial lustful phase that she will continue to act sexually and flirt and tease in the way that I find attractive makes me think how much better it will be.