Dumb and dumber

My life used to feel like a continuous looping Dumb and Dumber movie. My adult step son is so huge he smears crap on the toilet seat because he can't wipe himself properly. We had to buy baby wipes for him. He clogs the toilet a lot but just walks away instead of waiting to see if he needs to use the plunger. He lets the shower water run off his back onto the floor when he gets in and when he gets out, so I'm always mopping up a lake. He's extremely loud when he talks. He calls me names, f-bombs me, and flips me off when I insist that he pick up after himself. Nearly 300 pounds of toddler tantrums isn't a pretty sight, either. I've told him many times he's got a lot more to work with than many people with special needs. So we find workarounds to compensate for his quirks.

However, I did help him apply at Walmart and they hired him. Which meant we had to drive him to work and then go get him. We live 13 miles from his store, but we did it for about a year. Eventually, I got him into housing for the disabled near his work. He's now doing much better. I think his anger issues stem from wanting a genuine life but anxiety over getting there. I broke each goal into small chunks to prevent him getting overwhelmed. Now he rides the bus on his own and can call for a taxi when the bus isn't running. He has a lot more self confidence and even has a friend over now and then.

He used to view himself as disabled and dependent on others. He still needs support band is in what's called semi-independent living. But things are much better now that he feels like a contributing human being instead of a free loader.

He has long since grown up out of his fantasy that his buddy would let him move in and take care of everything until he got a job.

Hang in there. It isn't always easy, but do everything you can to help them do all they can for themselves.

As irritating as the kid is sometimes because he's unable to function socially, he's good to elderly people and kids. He's different, but not less.

And interestingly, he keeps his place neat. I guess he learned fast that he dislikes sitting in cold crap or stepping into a puddle of water from the toilet. I would have always made him do it, but was afraid he'd push me down the stairs. He's getting it. That's what matters.


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  • That's awesome. Good job.

  • Thank you for stepping up for this "kid".

  • Good luck mate. You have it tough.

  • Everyone struggles, but there are things that some people just need more help with. And you can't expect someone to gain independence unless you give them the proper tools to thrive. Thankfully, there many great supported and independent living agencies out there that help people in need. Sounds like your step son is doing really well for himself and has built some confidence and that's what really counts. He can create a happy life for himself. I'm sure your relationship with him is better too. Does he know how proud you are of him? Please tell him.

  • C***

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