Just a girl rambling

He probably doesnt really care. and now hes avoiding me... what did i do? what didnt i do? i really thought that he might care... im always to blame, maybe i put that on my self but it feels true... I should have said hello, i should have smiled, should have tried to try. i just cant. Ive cared about him forever and i see him everywhere why not.... why cant i do this? why do i put up this wall that prevents me from leaving this stupid bubble of safety i put myself into... im afraid of embarrassment, im afraid of being totally ignored so i let the most perfect relationship slip away. I love everything about him, just who he is. Of course hes attractive which makes it worse! If he were more normal, this woud be easier... hes just too amazing... i dont know what to do because i just shut down my real feelings, i cut myself off to avoid pain.... anytime ive tried to say what i really feel in the past my parents have mocked me, have said i was nothing, have said that i was worthless and useless and stupid. How can i put my feelings back on the line? i just cant handle being totally rejected
i really cant. All my friends have boyfriends now and im losing them. My best friend is already gone so instead of having anyone who cares, and who i care about... im writing on an anonymous confessions wall. I wish i was brave. i wish i could allow myself to be happy. i wish. Maybe i can??? I had this audition today where there was an interview, i was fine. i kept my head and didnt flip out like i thought i would.... maybe he wont hate me, although lately it seems like it.... i dont know what i did wrong. i think i may have missed my chance....

May 6, 2011

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  • Y'know... That's what I thought too, when the guy I like started ignoring me.

    Thing is, you can't do anything if you just keep things to yourself. There's no perfect timing than NOW. If you have to say something to him say it while you still can. Don't wait for another day or another moment to make a move, don't wait for that perfect spot, don't wait for the world to stop and revolve around you. You have to stand up and be true to yourself and your feelings.

    You're scared and afraid of rejection. But keeping it to yourself is like rejecting the fact that you're living and to live you need to take chances. You need to grasp the time and own it. Don't let your fear get the best of you. You need to say it and own up to it. If he rejects you, then you live on. It will hurt you, yes but knowing that the biggest question is finally answered is way better than thinking continuously about why he's ignoring you and if he feels the same way for you. You're beautiful and amazing. You're a straight 10. A Royal Flush. You need to start believing in yourself and be confident. No one said that life will be an easy come easy go... The right decisions are sometimes the hardest things to do.

    Forget about fear, forget about doubts, forget about self degrading questions. Just do what you have to do.
    Be strong and take chances, dear. That's what I did. And you know what... I've never felt more alive.

  • get your head on right... you are beautiful, talented, wanted, and, im sure, you are loved. you need to start thinking better about yourself. its hard keeping old friends and making new onew - been there myself. but the best thing i think you should do is join a class or an activity that you really love doing - be it guitar lessons, dance class, the library, a drama class... taking time to enjoy one of ytour favorite activities is a great self esteem booster and will help you find friends that share an intrest with you. good luck

  • I feel for you, I don't know what advice to give you other than possibly seeking counseling or self esteem classes. Also I know from personal experience that taking a leap and getting rejected is better than not and wondering what could have happened, cause the first option allows u to get over it and move on and the second leaves you pining for him for who knows how long. I wish u all the best in the future, You deserve to be happy!!!

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