Hello world i am a young person lost and confused at the end of my string in many ways. My sister is mentally f***** up adhd bipolar and numerous other things. I am a very shy person when it comes to talking to women yes that spills the beans im a guy. I am not the best looking nor the worst looking but to me i look hideious i hate how i look and feel mentally and physically i dont even look in mirrors. I draw and write poems to ease my trouble mind. I am a very good friend but recently i made a terrible mistake. i gave out a friend's number which i do regret and i shouldn't of done, but i did. Id like to be with one girl but i know i could never have her. She is very sweet and very funny and works hard and just makes me different she is a good friend of mine but i don't think i could put her in that situation or knowing if she would go in the first place. I did attempt suicide before as way of escaping the fears, evils, depression called life. Relapses of my childhood were consuming me everyday every waking hour and even when i was sleeping i was reliving. I love all my friends dearly but i get the feeling that not many of them have the love as ap erson for me in return they just use me when they need me and yell at me for nagging. I just feel a clouded and hard shell over me that i cant not bear any longer and keep walking in the life of mine. Im not saying its not as bad as others because i know whose has it worse then me and better then me. People laugh at the not so perfect people im not perfect i mean you can look at me i have missing teeth mostly straight smile bad skin scars from it etc, i laugh at people too but in a good way i am a very sweet guy like i said suicide is not the answer i wish things were better for me and this world of people so many ignorant people and selfish and greedy.