I am truly an awful parent

I dreamed about being a parent. I prayed for it. And we adopted. I didn't get knocked up and poof - there was a kid. We went through months of background checks and interviews and the cost and drama of adoption. You have to be REALLY wanting to do that, right?

Well I suck at being a parent. My kid is almost out of the house and we scream. My kid is a better adult than I. They try to discuss and I just stew and vent. I get upset with EVERY THING they do. I see spoiled, my spouse sees a kid in need. I see a back talker, my spouse sees a kid expressing themselves. I see an utter lack of empathy and discipline, and I'm told I'm the problem.

So clearly, I am. What to do? No I'm not willing to do therapy and being told that I need to give into the kid ... again. No, I'm not willing to just see it through for a bit longer. Yep, before the 1st I'm I'm going to move out. Because I truly suck. I cannot believe that almost 18 years trying and I'm done. But truly, I'm DONE. And that makes me sad, and ashamed, and ready to just disappear.

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  • If you are not willing then really it's not worth trying to fix the problem. Because really the problem lies with you. You can b**** and moan all you want, but at the end of the day maybe it's you who is the problem. And if you don't want to see a therapist or even attempt to work on whatever the h*** is the problem.. (and I'm not even sure what that really is...) then that problem will continue into whatever relationship you enter into next. Maybe the problem is you're just having some mid life crisis and are just unhappy with who you have become and not who your children have become. If that's the case, the demons who haunt you now will just continue until you figure your s*** out. You need to dig deep and figure out what is truly bothering you at your core and deal with why you are so unhappy with you and your life. If you are truly going to leave your family, that is totally your choice. But do the proper thing and explain to them why. Be very honest with the fact that the majority of the blame is on you. Even if they are 18, a child at any age will still see your absence as abandonment.

  • You will want the kid in your life when he/she gets older. You were not a good parent, but trust me, as long as you provided for him/her, they will look back and appreciate that, despite the warts.

    I only became friends with my Dad when he was in his 70s. He softened and was regretful about a few things, but we really cared about each other.

  • I worked in the court system on behalf of the children. It is amazing the how dreadful some parents can be (obviously the state has had to intervene) and these people think they are great parents. At least you admit your short falls and admit your not good at it.

    I think your right. Move out if your not going to seek help even for yourself to cope with it.

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