Feeling Trapped

I feel trapped in my relationship. I've been having doubts about it since December, and each week passing by has given me more to question. Now, he's claimed depression, and I'd feel like a ** person for leaving him in his time of need. The thing is, it's making me miserable too. We're in a relationship, but at this point, we don't act like it. We don't even talk. I send him a text a day to let him know he's cared for but that's it. I still have love for him and I want to support him. I want to be a FRIEND to him. This is a cycle that I'm getting tired of. Any time I tell him I'm bothered by something he does (usually when it's about other women) he coincidentally becomes depressed for the next month. It's like our relationship is the only thing keeping him balanced and before I could do it, but not anymore. It's become exhausting. I've aged 10 years in the last 3 that I've been with him. I'm tired of waiting for him to "Get his life together" and essentially keeping me on lock. At first I didn't mind having restrictions because in relationships there are always rules and compromises. I get that. At the time I thought he was worth it. But when we aren't even talking and I've pretty much lost all attraction to him, it's become a burden. Our conversations and his ability to make me laugh were the only things keeping me in the relationship. He was my bestfriend and it was enough for me to look past all the other qualities, his tardiness, emotional shutdowns, lack of accountability (he loves to blame the world around him for everything), and the fact he's a slob. I looked past him being overweight because he assured me he was taking care of himself. 2 months back when I saw him eat bread with ranch for BREAKFAST I became repulsed and there was no going back especially after noticing his rubbery skin, **-like hair and excessive fat that was definitely a result of not taking care of himself. (I don't have a problem with people having more to love but if you aren't putting in effort to take care of yourself or worse yet you are lying about it there is gonna be a problem) His brain is what kept me and now that I barely hear from him, I can't think of any reason more to stay with him. IT isn't even about him being depressed because I get it Ive been depressed before, it's just the fact that he is seriously MIA in our supposed relationship. I'd be chill with us just hanging out without even talking. Feels like a waste of time and emotional investment on my part. I even asked him if he wants out of the relationship because he seems to get on normally otherwise (talking to family and friends) but he told me no. So it's like I'm on a leash. I want my freedom back without feeling guilty. That freedom involves going out with friends (something I had to give up because he is so insecure he would be skeptical I'd go out to flirt or we'd gossip about him), catering to male clients, having male acquaintances, being allowed to feel what I want without walking on eggshells... I'm tired of being this man-child's mama! I can't tell you the number of times this grown ** man has thrown a tantrum over some minimal BS. Freaking 35 and you still don't have your life together. I'm 25, what a fool I was to waste my time and youth on you. Older men are more mature my azz! Im still gonna support him but I mentally and emotionally I am out of this sad excuse of a "relationship".

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