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I'm sorry mum
I wish my step dad was dead. He is the reason i consider killing myself. I have abuse alcohol, heroin and crack for 4 years because of him. If he died, i wouldn't cry. The happiest thoughts i have had are ones in which he is gone. dead. but i dont wish him dead. I need serious help. If he died tomorrow, it would be the same as loosing a sock. But, he's still here. And quit smoking. I HATE HIM WITH ALL MY GUTS. Why cant i just sit in the living room and talk to my mum. I cant even ** when he's off work. He has ruined my life. I'm afraid if i get drunk, i may kill him.
You write like a maniac on the loose. You'd be advised to get ahold of yourself & pull yourself together.