I Found Jesus of Nazareth!
After years of sinning, I finally found Jesus, Son of God, who died for our sins!
He was behind my sofa in all the dust, dirt, and dog hair having illicit s** with an underage boy and girl! They seemed to be enjoying it.
I threw him and the kids out to the curb with all the rest of my rotting garbage since today was trash day!
F*** jesus and all religion!