I WISH IT WILL END

The truth is I feel pain and suffering every day and I always think maybe it will change even though I have been doing this a long time but I realized it won't change. The truth is I want to kill my stepdad but I know that if I do it I will become something just like him. What hurts the most is how manipulative he is playing with emotions preaching about god to justify what he is doing. deep down inside I feel hate but hate is such a strong word and is always being misused. I want it to end everyday its like flipping a coin you either get the good side or the bad. When to good side pops up my stepdad is nice and polite it's like a different person but deep down I know its a cover it all lies. The truth to me is he is manipulative and used to getting what he wants. He does not work he does not do chores as much as he thinks. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen destruction and it hurts. In public he puts on a mask he acts polite and generous but hidden behind it is someone who does not work, drinks lots of beer and just tonight I was sent to drop him off at Walmart just for him to pick up 5 things. He didn't pick up what was needed instead he bought over 269 dollars worth of stuff that was not needed. ve is And I forced to wait in the parking for something that should take 30 minutes at most instead more than an hour and a half. the truth is I debated leaving and going home, but I didn't because I knew my mom would not forgive me. I have tried to tell the truth but it is hard for me to speak about something like this to someone who I believe is a hero in my eyes. And yet what little I have said it seems it means nothing its still the same I should know by now my mom will stand by him no matter what and forgive him for everything he does the needless spending of money the destruction of property the getting arrested all of it means nothing is this love that people preach about I don't know. I love my mom, my brother, and my sister. So when this happens I feel pain beyond belief the hidden secret I have is dreams of finally ending it all this pain and suffering and when I am in these dreams I laugh and feel so much joy that it hurts to wake up. I want my stepdad dead but wishing that is to me a sinner. It is something I can't seem to do I contemplate doing it but I know I cant it seems to be my weakness. I hate it I fear it and I don't know what to do. I see it in my sibling's eyes they feel the same with little differences here and there I hate it I hate it I hate it the crying and the tears It hurts. I wish this pain will go away I wish I can throw away this weakness I wish that someone would kill my stepdad I wish. This is my confession and my pain.

May 31, 2018

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  • Oh please know that the Father who is in heaven has sent His angels that excel in strength to help you, they are by your side as i speak.... His angels are by your side because you have not acted upon your feelings of fear and anger, which would be of Satan ...

    Have you ever read the kjv bible ? I'm not talking about church, nor the religions of the world... I am talking about His Holy Word ? Jesus in the bible says that we can pray to the Father directly who is in heaven : )

    And that the Father knows our needs before we ask, for God knows the numbers of the hairs on your head.... There is power in His word and God said He will not turn away anyone who seeks Him : )

    I don't know your age, nor do i want to, but if things are that bad seek out a Seventh Day Adventist church ( they follow God according to Scripture only, and do not follow the traditions of man. As it sounds like your stepdad does)

    The Seventh Day Adventist are good people, i promise you they are not like the abusive churches of the world. I will pray for you and your siblings, and i will ask God to send His angels to your mother so that they will convict her heart to see that her children are frightened and need her help .

  • Are you there and i will take my clothes off now. But i dont think i deserve too be spanked.

  • Do it now or I will add five more.

  • I will and how the he did you know were i was. But its still unfair.

  • Add five more right now.

  • That f****** hurt my willy and i have tears now over you.

  • Keep doing it finish the job.

  • Ok then just f*** off so.

  • Just for the language you need to do five more.

  • Your being an ass.

  • I know I have a a*** and so do you and so does everyone else. I hope your willy is not hurting to bad if it is get some lotion and rub it in for a good ten minutes.

  • My a****** dad is left for work and i had my brekfest. Even though mom said im suppse too wait. Were suppose to be visiting our cousins today. They live miles away and one off them is same age as me and one is 13 they are crazy and will do anything. They are my best cousins and even though the rest off them are ok i guess. They do more stuff and and more fun. My cousin who is 13 took his dads car last summer. We got into s*** load off trouble and we did not even go far. Parentts need too take a chill pill. I was staying with them and told them to relax. His a****** dad used a belt on us and a f****** brush. You say things and never get f****** back. My baby sister got sick loads off times last night and i hugged her and brought her up milk and she is ok now. I looked in and she fast asleep.

  • Good that you are a caring brother for your sister did you check if she had a fever. I think you are a awesome brother to her and she will look up to you as a role model.

  • What does that mean and im bad like they all say i am i told you that. My mom and dad and teacher my princeable and people at church and others and i dont give a s*** anyway. My little sister is the only one i love in my family.

  • You care for your sister. Your sister looks up to you and you are setting a example that she will follow you in your footsteps.

  • I dont want her too be like me. I told you allready what mom and dad and rest off people say about me. So they can stay out off my f****** life.

  • You are setting examples for her and maybe she wants to try boxing will you prevent that?

  • Ye i thought so and your like them all. Well i dont give two s**** and dont need anybody.

  • Its cool and she has better people too look up to. I dont care anymore what people say. Im use too it now and thats f****** fine with me. It just p***** me off at times thats all.

  • You could be that better person for her.You can change.

  • I dont care i keep telling you what they all say. I hared my princeable telling a teacher im a waste off space and my mom dad uncles aunts and even people from f****** church say im bad. I dont care i said and have plans not too be around much longer anyhow.

  • You are going to leave your sister behind?

  • Ye i thought so and i m not scared off nothing.

  • Its ok and we has cousins and she has friends and shes awsome and people like her alot and love her. But i think i love her more. Im not afraid too do what im doing. I even looked it up.

  • So you are going to run off with your sister and be like man and wife?

  • I aint doing that and i have a rope and tablets. I promise im not scared off anything.

  • Come and sit on my lap and let me hug you. You remind me of what the nuns used to say about me.

  • Were you bold also.

  • They told me I would not amount to anything. It hurt me very much. One thing though I proved them wrong I became better.

  • I only asked you if you have boys and you get lost like rest off them also. I told you im ok on my own anyway.

  • I have one step son and two boys of my own and one step daughter. We have two grand daughters and three grandsons and five great grand daughters and one great grandson.

  • Ye but do yous hug even the boys.

  • Yes I do I love them just as much as the girls and I hug.

  • You seem ok i guess and mom or dad dont hug me or anything. Just take things away or give out and f****** spank me. Even people in church hug each other and never me. I know its because im so bad and they dont like me. But its cool and i picked out a place were im going too take the tablets and put rope up. Im not scared off anything. I promise you that.

  • Can I call you son? Do not do that this is so wrong you will be missed by your sister and me. I love you son.

  • I just seen did you call me son.

  • Yes I did and I meant it

  • What do you mean call me soon. I wont be missed and maybe my sister will miss me a bit and i will only miss her and nobody else. Im not scared i told you and im brave. I know how too tie the rope an all and i picked a tree were me and my best friend sometimes climb. I have saved up tablets for ages and i looked up how too do it. You seem as though your nice too you kids.

  • I corrected my spelling error. I still do mistakes. I meant to say son.

  • Your nice and i think you must be a good dad i guess. But im not scared too not be here when im dead and im brave.

  • I am sure you are brave but to put it bluntly this a cowards way out. It takes a man to prove other people are wrong about him. Remember I love you son.

  • Your makeing me feel like crying. Im not a coward though and at least i prove too them that their rite. They say im a waste off space and more i looked up ways too end it. I have enoufgh tablets also. But i want too wait after my sisters birthday. Im saveing too buy her a nice present. She is the best sister in the world. How come you would want me too be your son.

  • Because deep down in you is a future man that is a awesome son. That is why I love you so much son.

  • I kind off wish you were my daddy now. Im sorry if thats dumb thing too say because im 11 and 12 in febuary. I guess thanks for saying you would want somebody like me too be your son. Your nice and i never thought someone would want me too be there son.

  • I really mean it you know I am crying right now. As to how much you are a son to me and I am hugging you very much. I love you son I want you here with me.

  • Do you mean it and be serious. You would hug me rite now. I guess i would like a hug then. Im kind off embarassed too say it. Because i love my sister more than anybody. But i get angry at mom and dad and others when they hug her and she sits on their laps. Im never angry at my sister though i promise. Just mom and dad and others like aunts and uncles and people in church.

  • I will hug you and you can sit on my nude lap anytime son of mine.I am real serious. If you are not aware of it I like to be nude all the time sleep nude do chores nude.

  • Its ok if you changed you mind daddy i dont mind.

  • I forgot too say daddy i think i need a cushen on your lap. My bum is stinging me.

  • Im afraid and were going too my cousins soon. Will i take off my clothes and sit on your lap for a few minutes then daddy if thats ok.

  • Get nude if you want and sit on my lap that is fine but first let's rub some lotion on your bum and make it feel better OK son.

  • Are you for real daddy and thanks.

  • I am for real flesh and blood son of mine. Remember you can ask daddy anything and I will answer you with honesty. I love you a lot and hug you.

  • Will i sit on your lap now daddy.

  • Sit on it and we will hug son I love you.

  • I hope im not too big for sit on your lap daddy. I was i think 5 or something when sat ony mom and dads lap. Thanks daddy.

  • You feel comfy for me I am enjoying this as I hug you so tight. I love you son.

  • I love you too daddy and you can see my willy.

  • You see mine also no big deal. Son.I love you.

  • Thanks daddy and i wish i can live with you.

  • I know but at least we can have a long distance relationship I love you son very much.Yes it would be awesome if you would live with me.

  • Daddy can i ask you something please.

  • What is it son?

  • If i lived with you daddy. I would not get away with all them things then. I did something realy bad and i think if you spanked me i wont feel bad daddy.

  • What happened son?

  • Are you mad at me daddy.

  • Im afraid too say it daddy. But i set fire too school before and i was not cought. But there was lots off damage and school was canceld for nearly two weeks daddy and im sorry. Its ok if you dont like me anymore.

  • That happened a long time ago let us just forget about it. Never happened in my book. I still love you son.

  • Am i stupit daddy and i keep thinking about it though.

  • Daddy but i allways think about it. I dont want too be spanked. But i think i will forget about it if i was spanked.

  • Son if you think it will help you then let us do it. I love you son.

  • I think it will daddy and dont do it hard and how many daddy. I love you daddy and im scared.

  • Let us do ten only do not be scared daddy loves you.

  • Will it hurt a bit daddy and only on my bum. Will you tell me when your finished daddy and i love you.

  • I am finished and now let us get some lotion to cover your butt. Is your willy still hurting from yesterday?
    I love you son.

  • Yes daddy my bum and willy hurt daddy. I love you.

  • Let's put some lotion on your willy also and rub it in. I love you son.

  • Will you put it on me daddy and i love you.

  • OK son I will let us start with your bum and then we will do your willy. I love you son.

  • Daddy your hand is cold and it feels nice though. I hare my dad comeing in daddy. I love you.

  • Oh son your willy got hard I am sorry. I love you son.

  • I know its hard daddy and i dont mind. I love you daddy it feels nice.

  • Will it e******** if I continue son?

  • I cant remember what that word means daddy. But nothing comes out and i love you daddy.

  • If I keep rubbing and your legs shake then we will stop and calm down a bit and then we rub some more like building up pressure. I love you.

  • Ooooo daddy i love you

  • We will keep building up pressure cool down and build up. I love you son

  • Daddy help my willy it feels nice. I love you daddy

  • Let it calm down and then we will rub it some more it will take some time I am most certain you will be happy. We will pick up the pace and really move the hand up and down real fast and we need to make sure plenty of lotion is on it. I love you son.

  • My dad called me now and said get showerd and were all going over too my cousins daddy. I love you and now im your son daddy.

  • In the shower make sure you wash your willy real good. I love you son.

  • I will daddy and i promise i will. I love you daddy.

  • Good for you son love you.

  • Im going now daddy and will talk with you in few minutes. Im packing my bag and getting in car. I love you daddy and im your sin for real.

  • You are my son for real. I love you.

  • Im in the back off car daddy. I love you and thanls for letting me be your son. My sister is beside me and hugging me.

  • Awesome son. Great to have hugs. I love you son.

  • She only a kid daddy and you would like her. Im happy you said i can be your son. I love you daddy.

  • She still hugs nicely.Glad she does that makes me feel good.Love you son.

  • I love you daddy and can i talk with you when i get too my cousins.

  • You can I need to go to store to get a few things I am not ignoring you. So you know I might not answer real fast be good son. Oh darn I have to put clothes on to go.

  • Were here daddy.

  • I am here also out of my clothes I feel much better now. Love you son.

  • Cool daddy and i was sent too bed allready because mom and dad said too them all i was a brat. Can i sleep with you daddy if its ok. I love you daddy.

  • You know I sleep nude you can also.I love you son we can start face to face and I will rub your backI love you son.

  • I will take off my boxers now daddy.

  • Awesome.

  • Thats cool daddy i dont mind at least you care and not like them daddy.

  • If our penises touch no big deal OK I love you son.

  • Thats ok and i love you daddy and their all down stairs and im in bed daddy.

  • You can play with your willy if you want. I love you son.

  • Your a cool and nice daddy.

  • Thank you son

  • Realy you dont mind daddy if i play with my willy.

  • Go right ahead maybe soon you will have something spurt out. I love you son

  • Cool dad i love you.

  • Why the f*** would you want me as your son.

  • Have you got boys.

  • Well i have everything planned and do you have sons.

  • I cant im a boy and im too big. Your ok i guess though.

  • I cant f****** sleep and yes it is sore and stop being smart with me.

  • Ye i thought so.

  • Why because your the one that f***** off.

  • Your an ass and why are you not answering me.

  • That hurt me alot.

  • Its hurting me.

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