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I hate my step-daughter
I met my step-daughter (R) when she was about 2 years old. My boyfriend (now husband) Derek, spoiled her. They did have a rough time of it before I met them. And R was used to her daddy always being within arms reach. She was a terror for quite awhile, but I was understanding and helped Derek out with R whenever I could. Eventually we all moved in together and R had to learn to sleep in her own room, she was about 3 at this point. She saw this as me taking her place with her daddy. Which wasn't the case at all, I treated her like my own and I thought I loved her. She was so sweet and playful when Derek was home but when he was out to work R became the worst. I started teaching her her numbers and alphabet and she would catch on fast but when asked to show daddy what she learned she would break down and cry and tell him I was mean to her. Things would calm down after awhile and I thought we were passed the step-mama-drama. I actually started liking her again, because she is cute and funny when she wants to be.
R is 5 now and about to start kindergarten which should be exciting, but I found out that she has been secretly telling members of our family that I choke her! I have never laid a hand on her, aside from the occasional ** swat for bad behavior. She told my own mother that I choked her, that's how I found out. How can I send this child I am raising as my own to school when she accuses me of this horrible abuse?!
I just dont get it. I am the only mother she has known, she calls me Mommy and shows me love. Is it all a ploy? Is she trying to ruin me?
I want to love her.. but I think deep down I hate her for this.
I hate that if she continues with these lies that I will lose my husband, I hate the control she has over my family.
I broke the other day. I asked R if she had brushed her hair and I got a snotty look from her as she just walked passed me. I grabbed her arm and crouched down to her level making her look me in the eyes. I told her that sometimes I hate her. I told her that I think she is an awful little child who deserves awful things. She started crying but it didn't faze me. I told her that while daddy will always love her, that I will not. And that she will not be allowed to lie anymore or else I will make her life miserable. Now she's only 5 so I don't know how much she actually took in. But I know she was shocked to hear me talk like that. After the day calmed down she went back to being a brat until Derek came home. This was about 2 days ago.
I don't feel bad about what I said to R. But I feel bad for not feel bad.
Wow yeah great job on blasting a 5 year old, how about be an adult and take her to counseling to help her. Dumbass
You there..
The best way to deal with her is to confront her in front of her dad. Let your husband know what is going on ahead of time, and you two decide ahead of time what her punishment will be. I took everything out of my sons bedroom but a bed and a dresser, and he had to stay in there when he got in trouble. Anyway, have a family meeting and tell her that you heard the lies she is telling, and ask her why she is doing it. Tell her that for every time she lies, she gets punished. Before she starts school, have a meeting with the principal, teacher, and counselor. Let them know there is a behavioral issue with her, you and your husband are working on it with her, and if there are any issues in school, please let you know . Also, start doing "rewind and repeat". When she does something you don't like, stop her, tell her you didn't like whatever she did, tell her/show her what she should have done, and make her do it correctly. Then have her rewind and repeat the correct action 10 or 20 times so it sticks in her head. If she messes up at any point in her repeats, she starts back over at 1. It's actually entertaining to watch them struggle to get to the end of the repeats without messing up. It also helps them learn correct behavior. It works no matter what it is they do wrong. It also establishes that you and your husband are the boss. Good luck!
When you started out by describing "my step-daughter (R)" I thought you meant R for Republican. I'm reading too much politics.
Her father and you need too get on the same page. Spank her bare ** and give her time out...