I don't feel anything for my nephew
My sister just had her first kid but I don't feel anything in particular for him. I don't hate him, I don't love him, I'm just apathetic.
People keep congratulating me, but I have no idea why. It really has nothing to do with me. My sister wants me to move closer to her and the kid but she knows I never want kids of my own, why would I want a relationship with hers? I'm scared of getting sucked into babysitting / responsibilities for the kid, and that's just not me.
The feeling / expectation others have that I should feel something, but don't, is itself making me feel like some kind of monster. I haven't seen the kid yet and if it were socially acceptable, I would be ok with never seeing it. I have like a mini panic attack when people ask me questions about the baby, like "should I know this?", "would a person who gave a shit know this?". I think I'm generally a caring, decent person, but I have some kind of mental block when it comes to kids.
I feel oppressed in a sense by the societal expectation around kids. It's hard to find similar people to date. I see my friends and family members having them, and I want to stop hanging around those people. I feel at this rate I won't have any friends or family left eventually, but I don't know what to do.