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I found what works for me
My husband passed away when I was 34, He was the love of my life, My everything and to this day I mourn the loss but...
I spent 3 years grieving and "Being a widow" before I sat down with a friend who took a hard line with me and told me I needed to move on with life and that the way I was living was not healthy, At first I resented her for saying that but after sitting down with my priest at the time and having him tell me that my husband would want me to be happy not sitting around grieving and my kids telling me it was ok to move on I think that was the push I needed to really make a change.
Like I said I was alone for for 3 years and I really got good at being alone so being with someone was difficult for me, I dated for a while and learned that what they say about the "Pool" of eligible bachelors at that age being extremely shallow and by 40 I had gotten discouraged with dating, All the guys I had dated were nothing less than disappointing. I had a few second and third dates and even slept with a couple of them but, WOW....That was a mind opener and was left unfulfilled and disappointed. I realize I still compare every encounter to my husband and I also realize that maybe at this age he would be the same but guys close to or over 40 are terrible in bed. (Sorry guys)
I work hard to look good, I know I am not 20 anymore but I spend a lot of time at the gym and got back into yoga at 40, I eat well, Walk lots and swim everyday, I am not saying I need a guy to be all buff and so on but at my age there are not many guys I want to see with no clothes on and out of the three guys I was with around my age two had 0 stamina, Like I was just getting going and they collapsed all sweaty and done with no chance of resurrection and the third never even managed to get it hard enough to do anything, Not that he had enough to do much with but then at 42 I had a situation come up which required having some home reno's done, I had a crew in to do some work and after the final walk through I had asked for a few touchups, The painter came in to do the final touches and my life changed.
I had been watching him and talking to him for a couple days as he did wall patches and sanding then he started painting and I have to say he was nice to look at, Mid 30's, In great shape and a really nice guy to talk to, Smart and articulate with these blue eye that could burn a hole in the strongest of defences, On his final day we walked through the basement as he showed me his work then as we stepped into the main room he stopped to show me something and I bumped into him, He put his hand on my waist and I looked up at him, We didn't speak another word for probably 45 minutes and I was left dripping with sweat and and basically unable to move as he caressed my body and gave me spine tingling shivers.
He spent the night and we had ** once more and he woke me up fully erect in the morning, He would come over and we would have mind blowing ** a couple times a month for probably a year with absolutely no strings attached, I knew at the time it couldn't ever progress from just a straight forward sexual relationship but at the time that was more than enough. After approximately a year he came to me and told me his ex wife wanted to try and work things out and he really wanted to for the kids sakes, I told him I was happy for him and I really hoped it worked out, Of course I told him that while straddling his lap facing him. We had one more blow out night and he was out of my life.
At 44 I was alone again and went back to dating guys my age, A few more disappointments and I had sold my house and moved into a condo, My kids were all grown and moved out so the house was too much for me alone, I became involved in some community groups and had met some people but one stood out to me...William, Oh William, what a sight to see. I was 45 and he was 24, Tall, Handsome, Strong jawline, and muscular but not too much just right. I never would have thought there was any way he would be interested in a 45 year old but one afternoon while sitting at the mall eating my lunch after a morning of rigorous shopping (One of my favorite passtimes) he walked by, Looked over and stopped, He said "Sandra, Right?", I smiled and said "Yeah" He walked up and said "William...From" and I interrupted and said "Of course...Have a seat" and moved some of my bags, We sat and talked for a while before he offered to carry my bags to my car.
We stood and talked at my car for a few minutes before he said "Is there any chance you would like to go for supper with me?", I was a bit caught off guard but said "Sure, When?" and we made a plan for that evening, He picked me up, Took me for supper and drinks then walked me to my door and I invited him in, We rolled around on the couch then the floor and eventually into the bedroom, I knelt and unzipped his pants, Pulled them to the floor then his underwear and he almost had to give me CPR, I have seen my share of penises but wow is he huge, I asked him one time and he told me 9" and I cant fit my hand around it and touch my fingers.
I'm not embarrassed to say I was absolutely afraid, Scared shitless as I knelt there and I could barely get my mouth around it let alone do anything with it in my mouth, We tried every position that night and never did get it more than halfway in, He did something to me that I have never done before and it completely embarrassed me when I "Squirted" as he calls it but it only made him harder to watch me completely lose control it was all of a year before I could control myself and I tried to explain to him that it actually ruined ** for me because I would come so hard that my whole body would give out but he loved making me do it and even after a year he could still manage to do it if I let him on top with me face down, He would hold me down and shove it in so deep that it hit a spot I couldn't control and my whole body would shake and I couldn't stop it until I soaked the bed and had to change the bedding but even after I came he would hold me down and pound me hard until he finished.
At 48 we were sitting on the couch and snuggling as he had his hand in my shirt and he had a move he does with my ** that makes me so wet but I said "Oh god, Why can't I control myself with you, You would think at my age I would have some self control" and he looked at me saying "How old are you?", I laughed and said "how old do you think I am" to which he replied "I don't know...37?", I looked at him and he looked at me and said "35?"I shook my head no and he said "34?", I said "wrong way" and he thought for a minute saying "There's no way you are over 40?" and I said "Are you being serious?", He said "Yeah of course", I got up and grabbed my wallet, Pulled out my licence and handed it to him, He looked at it, Thought for a second and then looked at me saying "Really...48?". I got worried and as he looked at me and again said "Really?" I nodded and he said "Holy **...You look ** amazing, I thought you looked great for mid to late 30's", I said "Um...Are you...Um..." and he pulled me onto the couch, Stripped me naked and pounded me so hard right there, Blinds open, Lights on and all I could think of was "Oh my god anyone looking right now can see me having **" and that made me come so hard.
Now at 52 William still comes over and we have **, He says he is totally happy with a no strings attached relationship and he says he can't get enough of me, All he wants is to have **, I thought I would end up teaching him a few things but he has opened me up to a whole new world behind closed doors, Things I would have never considered doing in my younger years but basically he just makes a suggestion and I start breathing heavy at the thought of him doing those things to me.
Very few people know about our relationship but I had to tell my daughter, She came over one afternoon and we had just finished, My hair was all messed up and we hurriedly dressed, I answered the door and William walked up, Said "yeah, So your dryer should last you for years to come now" and excused himself passing my daughter in the doorway. My daughter looked at him then at me and closed the door, She looked at me and said "Who was that?", I stammered and said "The repair guy" and she instantly knew, She looked at me and said "Mom...Did you just bang the repair guy", I said "KELSEY!!!" and she squinted at me saying "Um...Mom...He had no tools, He wasn't dirty, Your hair is messed up, Your shirt is buttoned crooked and it smells like ** in here...OH MY GOD". I had no choice but to tell her and not only was she shocked but she said "Wow, Good for you mom, How old is he, He looks younger than me"
We had a talk and now she teases me every time she sees me.
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