Wish I knew then what I know now.

I always thought me hating being a mom was a terrible thought, like I was the only one who had these feelings but after reading the posts in this community I am so glad I am not the only one. I hate being a parent so f****** much I got pregnant in my thirties and of course at the time I thought I had found the perfect guy so since he wanted to have children I agreed with starting a family. Long story short turns out he wasn't "ready" to be a father and bailed on the both of us. I'm so stupid I hate everything about my life. I never have free time she is always needing something. She has two rooms full of toys and books but instead will repeat "MOMMY" a thousand times and 90% of the time its just to make sure I'm paying attention to her which that's all I do 24/7. I have zero life I signed her up for soccer and sometimes she will play most times she will run away from the field and I have to chase her or she will bother me on the bleachers with the other moms...cause why would I be allowed to talk to another adult?...I have never thought of suicide till I was a mom. I can never anything nice I hide everything I own and when she finds something that is mine she will scream after I take it away from her. I cannot wait till school starts just those hours of being child free is going to be a dream. I will be able to actually get errands done since she has turned into a nightmare going into stores but we need to eat and what not so I have no choice but to let her freak out while I buy us food. I look at other women and see them smiling and imagine being them in some sort of fantasy world with no child living my life how I want and smiling I can't remember the last time I actually had a smile due to being happy. I even had to wait to write this till she fell asleep or else my laptop would probably be thrown or stepped on.

Well I think I accomplished some venting I had needed. I'm going to enjoy this quiet time till I have to do it all over again starting at 8am. FML I just want to rewind time and tell him to stick his idea about us having a child right up his A**!!!

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  • Nothing like a good case of "buyer's remorse" to reinforce my pride in myself for thinking BEFORE squatting out a kid. Sucks to be you, honey!

  • Venting is all well and good and then reality slaps you in the face again. You and your daughter can have a really great relationship, but its going to require some work. Mom..go and talk to a therapist..it will help. Find balance in your life where you find some friends to meet for dinner and adult interaction. Exercise and eat right..it will make you feel happier. Then the kid..is her dad in her life at all? Create healthy boundaries. Assign age appropriate chores with rewards. Tell her she's doing a good job. Don't raise your voice..she knows when she's in trouble. Routine is also really important too. Make sure she is getting enough sleep. Look..being a parent is hard even if you planned for it. But if you are happier, your kids will be too. So take little steps and it will come together. Reach out to people you know and ask for help so you can get a break.

  • You married each other. Not to procreate to satisfy some common cultural expectations of a family.

    Kiss buhbye to 13 years of your life setting up someone elses.

    There will be bright spots too. In a few years you will get the upper hand on life.

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