Cuckold fantasy

So basically I'm a college student, a man, and white. I'm kinda into girls who like to be choked. I don't get off on hurting women, I get off on them getting off on being dominated in such a way. I also have a slight preference for black girls after I dated one who was really hot and the s** was great. Honestly I'll go for a lot of things, but there's one fantasy, of which I've told literally no one cuz it's way to embarrassing.

The summer before freshman year I was doing my regular thing on xvids, when I found a couple interracial scenes (white women & black men obviously) and decided to watch. I've a history with p*** featuring black women and white men, but it wasn't until I found p*** that totally overplayed the race compoment that I really enjoyed interracial p***, because it was interracial.

Anyway, I think the first one was Jada Stevens in a Blacked scene. She's banging this black guy with huge d***. The camera angle emphasizes it's size and every time he pushed it in her she winced. He pulls out and she tells him to "stick your big black c*** in my ass." So obviously the point of this scene is to communicate that this guy is black and he's a black guy with a huge d***. That started to get me going a bit. Obviously I wasn't particularly comfortable with the implication but at the time I just told myself to imagine myself as the dude with a huge HD d*** going at it with Jada Stevens. But something about a white woman being with a black man and her talking all seductively about how he's black and has a "big black c***" aroused me. Another vid I remember vaguely was a mashup of multiple ww/bm scenes but there was a voice over. It was a girl talking about how much she loved BBC and how I (the audience) was a "pathetic little white boy" with a tiny d***, how she only f*** black men, that I could never please a woman, etc. It was pretty f***** up stuff. If that s*** was said on TV people would be calling it racist (and it is). But I liked it in a really uncomfortable way.

I don't know why I liked it. I'm speculating it's because when I was younger I had kind of a big d*** for a kid of my age and size. Naturally, I figured I'd be pretty big by the end of puberty. When that never came to fruition I think it hurt my ego quite a bit, and opened the door for me to find gratification in interracial and IR cuckold p***. I also deal with embarrassment extremely poorly, and something about incorporating that anxiety into sexual fantasies does it for me.

I've also dabbled in cuckold p*** where the girlfriend gets her white boyfriend to suck off the black guy to please her. I always find a girl seductively talking me into something extremely arousing, and the f***** up aspect of a girl getting me to do gay s*** with a black guy because she loves is kinda hot. Aside from that actual gay p*** is still not appealing to me whatsoever. I like a*** but I imagine myself with a woman with curves in all the right places not some dude with hips the same size as his waist.

One thing I find strange about this is that it's apparently really uncommon for men my age to be into cuckold p***. The largest consumers of this category are middle aged men.

IDK if I'll ever tell a future girlfriend about this part of my sexual interests, but it excites me to think about her being into it. There would be at least one person in the world from which I wouldn't have to hide my shame; a real person with which I could express my arousal. I'm not sure I'd want to actually watch her cheat on me. I'd prefer we watch interracial p*** together and have her jerking me off as she dirty talks to me. Or perhaps have her telling me how she'd prefer a big black c*** as we're f******. Something about potentially having some hot young college aged girl tell me how much she prefers black c*** to me drives me nuts.

That's pretty much it. I know I'm weird. At least I have a variety of tastes.

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