I hate being a mum

I hate being a mum. I have 2 kids, although it feels like I have 3 (more on that later) I have 2 boys. E. is 11 and I. is 5. I like spending time with them separately. E. is very funny, makes me laugh , and dispite his age, loves having cuddles. The down side is that he only ever wants to talk about your YouTube videos or Try Not To Laugh challenges. Personally, I think laughing is one of the best things to do with your voice so I don't really get the point of them. I also don't get the point of watching someone else play a game or with a toy when you can do it yourself and have, probably, more fun doing it. I can't get E. interested in anything but computer games. I hate it. He's moody and he bullies his younger brother when he isn't eating anything he can out his hands on. Not only is it making me dislike him for being a bully, it's costing me a fortune in food! I honestly have no idea how to get him to be nice to his brother at all. At 11 your think he'd be nice to a kid that is 5! But no. It doesn't matter if I spend more time with him alone or not. Special time with mum doesn't stop him being a bully. I hate it so much. I. On the other hand is at the age where everything is the end of the world if he doesn't get his own way. For the most part he is a sweet boy who will do as he is told. Sadly he is getting a lot of behaviour traits from his brother and because they are at vastly different times if life I now seem to have a 5 year old with the attitude of a pre-teen. I've spoken to his school about some of his behaviour because my partner and I have a suspicion that he is autistic. He is obsessively clean, repeats himself almost all the time, and will parrot other people in his own attempt to understand what is being said to him.
Having both of my boys at home is exhausting and I loathe that I feel that way. I never wanted to be one of hose parents who shouted at their kids non stop and seemed never to be happy with them. I want to do things with my kids but their age difference makes finding suitable activities almost impossible. We've talked about holidays but, let's face it, a holiday isn't really a holiday for a mum. It's just doing the same things you would at home in another place. And then there is my partner. Almost always glued to his pc and ignoring the kids beyond telling them he is busy or just flat out ignoring them. It's gotten to the point where E. will just stop half way through a sentence with his dad and not bother to continue because he knows his dad isn't listening! I do all the work around the house: cooking, cleaning, laundry, organisation of trips and stuff. It's like I'm living with a teenager that I never raised! He's lazy and grumpy and never does a thing to help around the house. To be honest, it's almost getting to the point where I want to leave and never come back.

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