I am lost
I have been married 7 years, together 10. I have one daughter who moved out last year. I have another living with me still, 13. Last year, my husband's daughter(10) came to live with us, as her mother went to prison. The mother has 3 kids by 3 different dads. I was not asked, nor even talked to, about her coming to live here. He picked her up, brought her home, and it has been hell ever since. My oldest hates to visit, my 13 year old sleeps with her door locked, and my marriage is almost over, all due to his kid. She is an awful, manipulative, hateful, filthy, lying child, but in his eyes, she does no wrong. I don't even think he wants her here, but brought her here because of some guilty feeling that he "had" to. There was never a DNA test. She doesn't wash or clean herself (shower) unless we make her, and doesn't use shampoo, soap, deodorant, or brush her teeth. She sits in her room day and night, refuses to speak to me, refuses to eat anything I cook, yet sneaks downstairs and takes food and eats it in her room after we go to bed. She uses the restroom without using toilet paper (one AND two). She comes and goes as she pleases, refuses to do chores unless I throw a fit and force her. She goes into chat rooms and talks to strangers, even telling them she is 16 or older. She has video chatted with strangers. She told a friend from school she wishes all her teachers were dead. She told us she wishes we were dead. She told the teacher she had no empathy for anyone and only "pretended" to care, but doesn't. She also told the teacher that she wanted to kill herself, by going downstairs in the middle of the night and getting a butcher knife from the kitchen and stabbing herself in the heart. My husband sees no issues with her behavior. My daughter is scared of her. I cannot stand her. I am always accused of "being mean" and "picking on her" when I bring up a problem to my husband. He accuses me of lying and making things up. Meanwhile, in the background, she is smirking at me as he berates me, and I want to slap her face off her head. My blood pressure stays through the roof. I have fought, argued, tried to talk to him, to no avail. I am not allowed to discipline her in any way. I am not allowed to give her chores or make her follow directions. He lets her do what she wants, when she wants. He doesn't even care. Most days she is off running the neighborhood and he has no clue where she is. She has an electric scooter she rides, and is always shooting out into traffic without looking, not wearing her helmet. Everything in me dislikes this kid. I love my husband, but I don't think I can put up with much more. I can't afford to live on my own. He doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't kiss me, more than a peck when he leaves and when he comes home. We used to kiss and say goodnight and I love you every night at bedtime, and snuggle. Now he just gets in bed, rolls over, and goes to sleep. I can't remember the last time we had sex. Oh, and instead of sleeping with me, he watches porn when I'm not around. And it isn't even decent porn for his age. He is 47 and watches teen porn, which makes me sick to my stomach. Even when he does try to be intimate with me, I get nauseous. There are always teenage girls in my house. But anyway, this isn't about them. It's about that damn kid of his. She refuses to speak to me at all, refuses to come out of her room the entire 12 hours he is at work, but the minute he gets home, she runs downstairs and is all like "hey daddy, I love you" bullshit, while still not one word to me. He took her to therapy 3 visits then pulled her out. He gets angry with me any time I speak to him about her, and tries to turn everything around onto my daughter. I am becoming so resentful of him and his lack of respect for me, that I don't even like to be around him anymore. I hate my life, I hate my situation, and I hate that kid!