A lot of stress even though objectively I'm financially good
I have had a very good job, paying around 190K. My wife also makes about 120K, we do not live in an expensive city, and our net worth is currently about 900K, I think it will go over 1 million this year. Also, my spouse is likely to be able to keep her job. We just became 40.
Financially we are in a good shape, however I have been under a lot of stress. My job is very stressful-- it requires an advanced degree and the job is soul-sucking. You have to go through a lot of arrogant p*****, and it requires a lot of dedication, but I cannot take my field seriously (I did it for money, no passion -- and seriously this s*** does not matter) and I'm just not willing to put up with the s***. Consequently, my performance has not been that great and it is almost certain that I won't be able to keep it more than a couple of years.
I guess it is not too bad .. I get to make additional 300K for the next two years, my spouse's job is relatively secure. However I have been feeling just terrible. I haven't had any good feedback from pretty much anything this spring so far -- only negative s*** from these people who are only better than me at working hard. I hate these "not that smart but working hard" people ... they just produce more s*****, meaningless stuff and make other's life miserable because now I also have to work hard. I have been trying applying to several places but no luck.
I know some people will think that I'm an ungrateful f***, but these kind of stressful jobs produce a lot of stress. I can see some colleagues, who actually works hard at this meaningless s***, ages almost in real time. In 3-4 years one guy's hair became very white prematurely, I'm assuming due to stress. I honestly think this "work hard" culture is just terrible for everyone. Work is not an inherently good thing. Go read "In Praise of Idleness" by Bertrand Russell. We will be much happier if we take work less seriously.
Anyway, I'm just writing these to remind myself of the good things I have. I should focus on the good things, and stop giving a s*** to these p*****. I'm meeting a counselor tomorrow and I will b**** to him I guess. Anyway, thanks for reading, it actually feels pretty good to write this.