Love my little cousin and have impure thoughts about her

Shes in college to become a nurse bc her parents wanted her to be a model. Shes beautiful inside and out. Always finds beauty in ugly things. Me and her are close. We have these online convos where we are like soulmates. But in person, I just cant help but get lost in those eyes. It doesn't help that shes always in short shorts and sports bras. None of the girls I know are this beautiful. She's hot asf and doesn't seem to realize it. Technically shes my second half cousin but I feel im looking for excuses. Part of me just wants to randomly pin her down, dominate her, and explode in her while looking into those big deep blue eyes. If I told her this, she would either never speak to me again, or... Who knows... Its f***** up. But its just how i feel. I hate this!

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