I never liked you as a friend
When I first met you, I thought we could be great friends. But after a while I realized that;-
You're vain, Way to vain for a guy; even more than a dumb blonde.
Talks too much. Seriously, I'm not interested in 90% of the s*** that dribbled out of your mouth when you open them.
Brags too much. Even more so when no one around you is interested or no one asked you about it.
Walked into my room with your shoes on and say they are clean. Well f*** you. If it's clean why don't you eat out of it you dumb d***.
This is not from me but from our group of friends as well. We collectively agree that you're annoying especially when you keep on bugging us to go to a pub or a club. And do you know why we don't want to go with you? Because we don't want to be seen with an ugly guy like you who tries too hard to look good. Seriously, you're driving the girls away.
And most importantly, you chew with your mouth open; like a COW.
I wanted to point out your flaws; in a good way as a friend. But then I realized you're just not worth the time nor the effort.
Anyhoo, I hope you that someday you will go back to Michigan, find your mom, and get your common sense back which you left in her womb when you were born.