I can’t stop fantasizing about my husbands older brother.

Ok, so I’m going to try to shorten this as much as I can. And please don’t make any assumptions about me until after you’ve read this. I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 26 ( I’m 27 now and he is 34) He is the only person I’ve ever had actual intercourse with, because I’ve never liked guys my own age. I ended up moving in with him really fast and after about a year we moved to another state where all of his family lives. I got along well with his family at first. We would go over to his oldest brothers house every weekend and drink, stay the night, and the next day hang out then go home. We spent holidays, weekends, birthdays over there. His oldest brother( the one this is about) is like 47 now I think...maybe older. Anyways my husband and him didn’t talk for about 7 years before we moved here because he was cheating on his wife with my husbands then Gf. I noticed within the first year that his brother would make passes at me, and I couldn’t be sure but I still told my husband every time. It started with him staring down my dress and giving me a little nod with a smile, then there was the time he was drinking at our house because him and his then wife were fighting and while my husband was in the br he asked me for another beer and when I gave it to him he was rubbing my hand and smiling at me just little weird things that I couldn’t confirm he was really making passes or not but I felt it enough to tell my husband but always told him it’s ok and to not do anything. Now the time I can’t deny was about 5 years ago at his wife’s bday party he kept trying to put his hands down the back of my pants and was rubbing my legs under the table. I didn’t make a scene because his kids were up playing but I just kept pushing his hands away from me. We were all very drunk too, And I always get the most drunk out of everyone so I feel like he thought I wouldn’t remember or something. When we were all going to sleep that day at like 4 in the morning I told my husband what happened and told him he HAD to absolutely say something to him and I was tearing up. He said he would in the morning. In the morning I didn’t see his brother at all but went straight to the car to wait for my husband so we could go home. We ended up not hanging out with his family for the next two years and I ended up telling his then wife what happened. They ended up getting a divorce because he was always talking to other women I guess. Anyways sorry for the long post but this is where we are now. My husband and I separated last year for about 7 months. I moved back to my home state for those 7 months just to think about things. During this 7 months his brother kept trying to keep in contact with me. Which I would tell my husband about since we still talked every day (we have a 21 month old) I for some reason out of anger towards my husband started responding back to him. I told him how I was p***** at his brother and that I was sorry for all the trouble that was caused after that one night. I told him it’s in the past and maybe he was too drunk to remember. He asked me what he did and when I told him his response was if that happened he wishes more would have happened and that it would have been great if it had. He ended up sending me a d*** pic and I told all of this to my husband. I told his brother to stop and cut all communication with him. Then when I came back to live with my husband I find out he still hasn’t said anything to his brother even though I sent him all the messages as proof. Now, my husband and I are together again but we aren’t having s**! It’s been more than a year, and I had so many opportunities before I came back that I didn’t continue with because I wanted us to work. It’s obvi his brother still has a thing for me cause he went onto one of my socials to like my pics even though I deleted him. Now I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep fantasizing about him. I keep telling my husband that I know things still aren’t perfect with us but that not having s** is really bothering me, and that he makes me want to just divorce to have s** with someone. The worst thing is I really want to have s** with his brother now. I think he’s a s*** person but I’m still attracted to him. Mind you the reason my husband and I separated and started having problems was because of my husbands lies. I had to find out after 5 years together that he has two kids with two different people. So the trust was just shattered. I know I shouldn’t even be with him but for some reason I still love him and I want it to work. Because of his lie I became very controlling and toxic wanting to know who he was talking to at all times and constantly thinking he was lying to me. So I feel like I should do my part in changing but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair to just not have s**. He says he wants to make sure things are really good before we have s** again even on birth control. So now I m*********, and while I m********* I think of having s** with his brother. This is so f***** up I know. :( I really hope I never follow through with it but part of me really wants to.

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