Gay but conservative

I am a crazy mixed up person. I'm a 38 y/o man, I identify as gay in my brain but I still find women incredibly sexy. I have a girlfriend 20 years older than me and I'm pretty open about it with her. I had a gay experience when I was 12 but thought it was too weird for me and refrained from acting it out since. I don't tell anybody I'm gay except a few people.
I simultaneously am concerned about the direction of how we handle homosexuality in our culture. This is also something I don't tell many people. I think it's great that it's accepted by most people, but the push for the normalization of it has it's own set of problems. It concerns me that in some places people born as men are allowed to walk into the ladies room, for instance. Seeing two men kiss publicly is strange and gross to me. I also don't like how people who reinforce family values and traditional forms of marriage are being labeled as bigots and homophobes. They are not without their points. It's just as bad as calling a gay person a f*****.
I think we have yet to strike the correct balance. I think homosexuality shouldn't be condemned or celebrated. It just is. I also think people who are confused about their feelings should be given space before they are forced to take on a label that might dramatically change their lifestyle. I would love it if homophobic people took responsibility for their gay bashing, and gay people took more responsibility for things as well. In the past 40 years gay people have been most responsible for the spread of AIDS all over the world, changed the institution of marriage which has been in place for most all of human history, and have advocated for people who have had a s** change to enter a new bathroom. Can you see why some people would be concerned about the rapid development of this? I think everybody needs to take responsibility for how their actions affect the world at large and have some respect and listen to the other side. Because, in a kind of way, I am on both sides

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  • "people born as men are allowed to walk into the ladies room, for instance"

    That's not related to gayness, it's transgender stuff, that's a completely different debate.

  • First off you should work on yourself. You seem very confused. Sexual orientation is a spectrum not distinct categories. It’s ok to like both males and females and every other human orientation. Accept yourself as you are and think of your partner as a person rather than as part of a gender category. It’ll make things more chill and maybe your partner may be interested in exploring your desires.

  • Common sense is rare these days but you have certainly shared some here. The whole issue needs more thought, discussion and education. It is not an issue that responds well to an ethic that says, "This is how I feel right now so it must be right and I must be an oppressed victim." I think the gender labeling and self-labeling happens way too soon. Live life a few more years before making such a big decision. Be kind to everyone and also realize that what you feel now may not be what you want or need in the future. A focus and a feeling have their place, but don't over-focus and lock yourself into a narrow point of view that may change in the future.

  • >It is not an issue that responds well to an ethic that says, "This is how I feel right now so it must be right and I must be an oppressed victim."

    LOUDER FOR THE ACTIVISTS AND PROFESSIONAL VICTIMS.
    MUCH, MUCH LOUDER.

  • Thanks. This debate needs more folks like you. Instead of emotion and anger the world needs rational thought discussion based on a desire to respect and honor other human beings. Balanced discussion, thought and kindness are needed, not angry rhetoric.

  • Agree with ^this guy^. One thing I will debate OP on, though: "I also think people who are confused about their feelings should be given space before they are forced to take on a label that might dramatically change their lifestyle." Yeah, there's no "forcing" from outside sources happening there. That is coming from within the community, and from within the individual who's desperately seeking identity while still being confused.

    People today are far more concerned about leaning into an edgy, IG-ready label instead of doing the difficult, unglamorous internal work needed to be comfortable with one's true self. I'm on both sides too, and if this is going to move forward, both sides need to settle down several notches and see to their own behavior *before* running around screaming about "the other guy". That means less flag waving and more introspection.

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