Cheating on Lover

I was with my boyfriends for years and he lack a couple things. That was ok at first, for years it was oka and I was content but the older I got I started wanting more from him and every time I asked him to do things this way or that way, he would Reject me. I still stuck around and gave him whatever he wanted. I sucked his d***. EVERYDAY. Cooked for him. Cleaned his room. Loved him. Make sure he was good, etc .. all the things I at least thought a women is suppose to do for her man. We’ve been together for 9 years and this year I finally cheated on him. I’ve been having a sexual relationship with my best guy friend for a year and it’s been fun but controlled. He’s done thing to me, my boyfriend hasn’t ever yet. I love it but I this i don’t want to be with him. I don’t even know if I want to be with my boyfriend because I’ve known what I’ve done several times. Sometime I’ll be with my guy friend having the time of our lives and my boyfriend doesn’t even know because he hasn’t even hit me up yet to check to see if I’m missing him. I’m just torn. This is a lose lose situation and rather something I should learn from. But my heart is always wanting my boyfriend to just be better. What should I do?

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