I am confused about my gender
Hi, I am a soon to be 15 year old teenager.
Lately I have been really confused about my gender. I was assigned female at birth but I don't know how to feel about it.
Growing up I liked a lot of boyish stuff (I know that doesn't need to mean anything but hear me out). It took me a long time to accept the colour pink as a normal color. I had a similar problem with other colours usually identified as feminine. I liked drawing but I usually wouldn't dare to take those colours in my hand. I realised it's stupid and I accepted it as a equal at about 11/12 years so not so long ago.
I remember trying out different boy names when I was really young when I played with my older sibling.
I never told my parents that I don't feel like a girl. I didn't really think about the gender stuff as long as I was young and could do what I wanted.
I remember that when puberty start I wished the b****** would stop growing. Hoped that when I woke up I didn't have them.
Hoped my menstruation would come as late as possible. And till this day it makes me feel awkward and I don't want anyone to know when I am on the cycle.
I read/heard that people that like the same gender may confuse the two and then they want to detransition. And that's also something I want to address because I know it has to be scary to come out and then realise you were wrong.
I never really had a crush or felt sexually attracted to someone let alone their gender. I dated one guy. He seemed nice at first but then later on I felt restricted whenever ï was with him. I didn't enjoy kissing him. But I don't think like I would ever want to kiss someone. So that also confuses the s*** out of me.
When I was younger i didn't want to talk to girls much and they didn't want to talk to me. I never understood them and always felt like they are stupid. I grew up to realise that isn't true. Girls are great and I can often talk to them. Not all of them of course but lets not bring stereotypes to all of this.
Now I feel like girls can be really great and kind, and I usually don't talk to guys. They don't usually want to talk to me either which is understandable because I probably don't look like someone they would want to date. And also they often Act like jerks and objectify girls. Again no stereotypes i here but a lot of guys about my age act that way. I know some nice guys but not many. But guys don't usually want to talk to me as friends and not at all as something else. And I really don't mind the second one. I don't want to be in a relationship anytime soon but I would appreciate having some friends.
I hope I gave enough information to get something from you to be able to maybe help. I know gender is something a person has to know for themselves but it would mean a lot to me if you could at least help a bit and tell me if you think it makes sense.