I am confused about my gender

Hi, I am a soon to be 15 year old teenager.
Lately I have been really confused about my gender. I was assigned female at birth but I don't know how to feel about it.
Growing up I liked a lot of boyish stuff (I know that doesn't need to mean anything but hear me out). It took me a long time to accept the colour pink as a normal color. I had a similar problem with other colours usually identified as feminine. I liked drawing but I usually wouldn't dare to take those colours in my hand. I realised it's stupid and I accepted it as a equal at about 11/12 years so not so long ago.
I remember trying out different boy names when I was really young when I played with my older sibling.
I never told my parents that I don't feel like a girl. I didn't really think about the gender stuff as long as I was young and could do what I wanted.
I remember that when puberty start I wished the b****** would stop growing. Hoped that when I woke up I didn't have them.
Hoped my menstruation would come as late as possible. And till this day it makes me feel awkward and I don't want anyone to know when I am on the cycle.
I read/heard that people that like the same gender may confuse the two and then they want to detransition. And that's also something I want to address because I know it has to be scary to come out and then realise you were wrong.
I never really had a crush or felt sexually attracted to someone let alone their gender. I dated one guy. He seemed nice at first but then later on I felt restricted whenever ï was with him. I didn't enjoy kissing him. But I don't think like I would ever want to kiss someone. So that also confuses the s*** out of me.
When I was younger i didn't want to talk to girls much and they didn't want to talk to me. I never understood them and always felt like they are stupid. I grew up to realise that isn't true. Girls are great and I can often talk to them. Not all of them of course but lets not bring stereotypes to all of this.
Now I feel like girls can be really great and kind, and I usually don't talk to guys. They don't usually want to talk to me either which is understandable because I probably don't look like someone they would want to date. And also they often Act like jerks and objectify girls. Again no stereotypes i here but a lot of guys about my age act that way. I know some nice guys but not many. But guys don't usually want to talk to me as friends and not at all as something else. And I really don't mind the second one. I don't want to be in a relationship anytime soon but I would appreciate having some friends.

I hope I gave enough information to get something from you to be able to maybe help. I know gender is something a person has to know for themselves but it would mean a lot to me if you could at least help a bit and tell me if you think it makes sense.

May 11, 2020

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  • Ok first of all take a step back and chill. I really dont get this modern day obsession to put tags on everything, you are young going through a period where things dont maybe make to much sense, with in reason thats every teenager, ride the wave its not directly causing you great hardship, and i promise after your teens things will pan out with much greater clarity with no need to or pressure to put a tag on anything, at the moment you think you dont like this or that, who cares life has a way of straightening out your path (no pun intended) you are young and 2 minutes feels like a life time, ride it out and what you think today will feel like million light years tomorrow

  • There has to be a "permanent" label for every passing mood bc they need something to wave around on social so ppl will pay attention to them. Too bad everybody is doing the same thing now, no more special snowflake status, it's all about who can fish for attention the best. Yawn, oh you're trans, that's nice, so were the 85000 other "confused" young idiots before you.

    You know what would make you stand out in today's crowd? Using your brain more often.

  • There are others out there just like you. They might not be the same color as yourself, or from the same social class, but they are as confused as you. Let kindness be your compass and seek them out. Together you will build a support system around yourselves, and have each other's back. Each and every one of you matter, you have purpose on this earth. Be the best version of you.

  • But kindness can't be your compass if you are looking for ways to be better than or different from even them. You don't seem evolved enough to accept differing perspectives.

  • Hi, I too am having this sort of problem but I can offer some advice. If you want your chest to be flatter, you can use a binder. However, there is also another way to bind, if you don't have a binder, can't afford one, or aren't allowed to get one. What you do is put on a tank top with a built -in bra and then fold it from the bottom up. Remember to never use bandages or bind for more than eight hours.
    As for the stuff with the not feeling any attraction, that's perfectly valid too. There are things such as aromantic, asexual, demiromantic, demisexual, greyromantic, greyasexual, etc. And honestly, what you are saying makes sense to me! I myself am experiencing similar things, such as the whole chest and menstruation thing (have you considered the idea that it might be body dysphoria that you are feeling?), and I am aroace. I also understand what you mean by being unsure as well, and I assure you, that too is normal! I hope this helps at least a little bit, and remember, no matter what you identify as, how you feel, or how long it takes to figure everything out, you are valid!

  • Confused? Next time you use the restroom to urinate, look to see where it comes out, then write to us again and describe the area to us. Then . . . put an end to your pity party and start pretending like you're a grownup. Nobody is ever going to care that you're confused. They're only going to care that you're a huge idiot.

  • Wow, what a bigoted fool. They obviously are feeling something real and valid, and it is okay to feel confused. They are figuring themselves out and it is wrong of you to say that what they are feeling is not important. It may not be important to you, but to them, it is. I believe it is you who needs to grow up. Have some respect for others.

  • A sure sign that some virtue signaler has Been Offended is when they trot out the 'B' word. It certainly beats actually listening to others and discussing things rationally. (They only care about that until THEIR message is out there, then it's right back to shouting down anyone with a variant opinion)

  • I am sorry that I came off as rude to you, and please be assured that it was not my intention by any means to offend. I can tell that my comment definitely seemed that way. I do understand what you mean in your comment, about listening to people and being rational. I guess that I do just wish that people could be a little bit more respectful when it comes to how other people see themselves, especially with something as important to a person as gender. And while I do have very strong opinions when it comes to this type of stuff, I try not to be as rude or defensive as I was up there. Again, my apologies.

  • >>I am sorry that I came off as rude to you, and please be assured that it was not my intention by any means to offend.

    Oookay, except...

    >>Wow, what a bigoted fool.

    So I'd say that WAS your intention. Or that you didn't think at all and went the unthinking "perpetual outrage" route that drama queens (such as teenagers) prefer. Which was it?

  • This is one of the biggest delusions the #woke crowd displays,,claiming to be kind and smart but really not giving a f*** about anybody else except for the special people they want to be seen cheering for. They never want to leave high school apparently

  • You want us to care as much about these self-centered figglers as they care about themselves. They all need to develop the self-awareness to look up and see that the earth isn't revolving around them. Tolerate them? Respect them? Not earned. Not even deserved. Lock them away And say goodnight!

  • I think that, if you haven't already, start dressing the way you really want to dress, taylor your outside appearance to the way you feel inside. sometimes its not about gender but rather, a stifled expression of true self. I'm by no means undermining how you feel about your gender but rather I just want to say that gender and the stereotype of a gender is very different. You mentioned the colour pink which is a strong stereotype of the female gender, however I understand that you also mention feeling more uncomfortable accepting your period and your b****. So, honestly the question is how does your body make you feel and would you feel better, changed. Honestly, if your b**** make you feel less you to an extreme, wearing a binder is an option. Moderate your appearance to be an expression of you, regardless of masculinity or femininity. At 15 I hated kissing anyone, it felt gross, however the older I got and the hormones I felt attraction grew, my point is because you body isn't fully developed sexual orientation is going to be pretty unreadable at this point too, even if it seems straight forward for other people.

  • Be thankful you seem free to explore and choose. My parents wanted a girly girl. I was mostly made to wear dresses. I used to get called to the kitchen and if wearing pants, I had to go put on a dress. Then I had to help mom cook dinner. Then serve my father and brothers and then sit and eat. After dinner, I had to clear and washup. The men got to talk and go out play ball.

  • So you are telling people, you want to be a man. Do you know what hit is like to be a man??? Go ask a real man

  • I am not telling anyone yet. I am figuring it out.

  • I was a total tomboy as a kid. Everyone gave me dolls because I was a girl, but I'd arrange them in a neat display in my room and go play softball and ride bikes. To this day I have some men's clothing in my wardrobe, even though I'm feminine for the most part. I've got some masculine aspects but am female. Got the bits to prove it and everything.
    There wasn't a frantic gallop to Have A Sexual Identity for me. I didn't have any need to proclaim to the world that I was anything other than the stereotype being held up for me at that time. Sure, there was pressure-- as long as society exists, there will be "pressure" from many corners and for many reasons, many of them invalid. But at no point did I believe with all my tender little soul that the rest of the world needed to hear what I thought I was and how I felt about it. Life was complicated enough without demanding that they all refer to me with some special new pronoun or other or call me a masculine name or anything like that.
    I don't know how much of this trend is due to social media and how much is because children are too often raised to be little lordlings, but it's created a couple new generations of people who are even more f****** obsessed with their bits than they were in the 60s and 70s (glad I wasn't around for that!) and expecting everyone else to validate and applaud them for every single thing they do with those bits.
    You're YOU. I'm sorry that isn't enough.

  • I think people have become more obsessed with their bits than when I was a child. I grew up in the 70's and 80's. I rode bikes and skate boards. I actually was really cool with being a girl and dressing as a girl and I played with dolls and had crushes on pop stars and teachers and other girls. I guess I felt really free to be whoever I wanted to be. Yes at times I wished I was a boy and at other times I wished I was another girl.

  • Me too. And I never loudly "wondered" about the implications. There were much more interesting and age-appropriate things to do, and people were a lot less self-centered.

  • I don't think you understood. I know I am me and I don't want to be anyone else. I just want to be me. That's why I am even thinking about it. Because I feel like this body doesn't match me in the gender way.

  • YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand. This woman is saying she has an idea what you're going through, and that this matter doesn't have to have so much dramatic angst added to it. Try listening.

  • #woke people don't do listening unless your black or gay

  • It's a tough time

  • Life consists of many different kinds of "tough times". Certain people expect an audience for theirs.

  • It's tough times. And it will get worse

  • Yep. So I'm saving my giveadamn for things that actually matter in reality, thanks =)

  • Wow, that's a lot of confusion. Understandably so. First off, I'm a cis, straight male, so take the following perspective with a grain of salt. From what I can tell just from what you write that you don't really identify as either a girl (don't like feminine stuff, your b******, or your menstruation cycle), or a boy (can't identify with their sexually objectifying ways). To me, I'd say you are asexual, not trans. Asexual can refer to how to you see your non-s** related identity or to your sexual orientation. When it comes to your gender identity, that's actually pretty easy to deal with. Just wear what you want and do what you want. People have discomfort with ambiguity, but that's fading in many parts of western culture, so you may only be harassed a bit. Gendered sports and washrooms is where it'll get difficult, so stick with your genital identification wherever you have to. When it comes to your orientation (which has less to do with your identity than you may think) that may be a late realisation, or you may never want to have sexual intimacy with anyone, but rather form a bond with someone that is sexless. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people out there who identify as asexual in their orientation, but still identify as a gender. Seek out those people. You may find something that you can connect with.

  • I know that orientation doesn't have too much to do with it. I just heard sometimes it's possible to confuse the two.
    I thought of the asexual part too but that's also not something I can tell for sure just yet.
    I just hope that with time will come some clarity.

  • So do you think it's possible that I am trans? Am I stressing it too much?

  • Yes, you are. Try listening to people who are telling you things here.

  • ^THIS.

    However, since we're having a Serious Conversation here: Kindly explain why labels and the desperate need for constant validation are such a thing now. I really want to know why people are so demanding yet fragile nowadays.

  • It's not such a thing. I posted it so I could get some advice and opinions on this matter.
    As I said I am quite young and trying to find myself an this is one of the matters I need to sort through.
    I am sorry if I came offensive or stupid in any way. It certainly wasn't my intention.

  • You keep saying it isn't your intention, and then you do it again...
    and again...
    and again...
    Then remain silent and learn how to communicate from your superiors.

  • No answer. How surprising.

  • To me they are all labels. You are you.

  • It's certainly the era when people are able to talk about their feelings associated with their gender. Imagine if you had been born a hundred or more years ago.

    To me it feels really intense and I would say try looking for good. Like early on in your posting it seemed you had categorised things as boy things and girl things. To me one of the great advances in gender stuff is accepting that there really is no need to categorise things on a wholesale basis as boy thing or girl thing. You know I love to see my daughter on a skateboard. Once was a boy thing.

    As for talking to people and kissing a person, you know all of this these days is up for grabs. Maybe you will find a boy or a girl that you like to kiss. So maybe you will find that you do not need surgery and do the gender change thing.

    Yes so my thoughts are to relax a bit if that is OK and just do the stuff. Talk to people.

  • >>To me one of the great advances in gender stuff is accepting that there really is no need to categorise things on a wholesale basis as boy thing or girl thing.

    Exactly this. And then the same people who are so crazy to make absolutely certain there's no longer any such thing as "boy stuff" or "girl stuff" will then turn right around and scream to the world that they're "confused" about which label they feel most attuned to.


  • S "little bit??? Hardly.

  • True.

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