How to stop binge eating?
I've never even admitted this to myself, but I've had a binge eating problem ever since I was a kid. I remember getting told off for sneaking food as a child, but I was super active then and all through high school. Plus, as I got older, it got easier to secretly sneak unhealthy meals, so no one paid much notice.
Well, of course now I'm an adult (28yo male) with a desk job and a family (wife and 2yo). I noticed myself eating a lot whenever I got stressed. On the outside, I act super confident and happy, but whenever I'm alone I just can't help stuffing my face with junk food and sweets etc. Before I would balance it with sports and running, but I don't get time for that so much with the baby. Over 2 years I've put on about 25 lbs.. then COVID hit and I put on another 20! (from March to now). I feel huge. None of my old clothes fit, I have stretch marks on my sides and thighs, a protruding belly, a double chin, and I'm starting to get out of breath doing simple things. But I can't stop. It's like an addiction, and one I now realise I've ALWAYS had.
My wife is trying to help me lose it, but unknown to her I'm constantly sabotaging myself. Sometimes I stop by McDonalds on the way home because I know dinner's going to be a salad or soup or something. I've almost made myself sick a few times eating so much, and I'm supposed to be dieting!
I was athletic in college (some might say handsome!), but feel gross when I look at myself in the mirror now. I feel like the stereotypical fat, married dad. But in the moment, when I'm stuffing my face, I love it. I don't know why but the process of eating (especially junk food) is almost like a high, and even the feeling of being really full and bloated. But that soon wears off and I'm left feeling ashamed and ugly.
Everyone thinks I'm getting fat because I've been busy, I'm stressed and I'm getting older. But the truth is I'm literally fattening myself up. I can't control myself and don't know what to do, unless I just confess everything to my wife. But I really don't want her to worry or pity me, or alarm her with this weird addiction that I can't even explain properly.
Anyway, I'm worried that I'll just keep piling on the pounds until I'm obese and too fat to turn things around. I know the easy answer is "Just stop eating so much"..but when I get stressed or worried.. I just can't help it..