When will the pain end...

I'm drowning in loneliness and emotions, and have been for most of my life. I'm depressed but too much of a piece of s*** to tell anyone about how I need help. I put on a fake smile to everyone but myself, silently glaring at my reflection in any mirrors I pass. I no longer have many mirrors to look at.

Everyday I look the people I know in the face with a bright smile. I could get an actor of the year award I'm so good at pretending. I don't like to be with other people, just in case they find out I'm more broken then they thought I was. Or more then they could imagine I was. Everyone says, "Oh, I know them so well!" yet, they can't even tell that I want to off myself and think about it everyday.

It's gotten to the point that I fear people will find out. I mean, imagine, it's illegal to commit suicide and you get locked up in a mental hospital for seriously thinking about it. What a great way to get help huh-? Every time I tell someone a little bit about what's going on, they always look at me differently, like I now have a note on my face saying 'broken'.

I like it when it's Halloween, I get to be something other than myself. If I'm lucky enough, people don't even know it's me.

I wonder... when will the pain end...

Sep 27, 2020

Related Posts


  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • It wont end. Unfortunately that is our test in life. To suffer but get threw it. Everyone is faking it. If you wanna go into a psyche ward, its 3 days of suicide watch. 7 days minimum. They can give you meds but that's a 2 week stay. Most medical covers at least 1 week. You can also get into group therapy. A great way to get out of your faking it mode. Is by writing out the truth in a journal. Spend time with yourself and let yourself breath.

  • I’m not being patronizing, I really hope you find the strength to get help
    Please call this number, it’s the suicide hotline, they’ll help you out and work with you

  • It will end. Keep fighting and I know its difficult but be positive and try and force yourself to have fun

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?