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When will the pain end...
I'm drowning in loneliness and emotions, and have been for most of my life. I'm depressed but too much of a piece of ** to tell anyone about how I need help. I put on a fake smile to everyone but myself, silently glaring at my reflection in any mirrors I pass. I no longer have many mirrors to look at.
Everyday I look the people I know in the face with a bright smile. I could get an actor of the year award I'm so good at pretending. I don't like to be with other people, just in case they find out I'm more broken then they thought I was. Or more then they could imagine I was. Everyone says, "Oh, I know them so well!" yet, they can't even tell that I want to off myself and think about it everyday.
It's gotten to the point that I fear people will find out. I mean, imagine, it's illegal to commit suicide and you get locked up in a mental hospital for seriously thinking about it. What a great way to get help huh-? Every time I tell someone a little bit about what's going on, they always look at me differently, like I now have a note on my face saying 'broken'.
I like it when it's Halloween, I get to be something other than myself. If I'm lucky enough, people don't even know it's me.
I wonder... when will the pain end...
It wont end. Unfortunately that is our test in life. To suffer but get threw it. Everyone is faking it. If you wanna go into a psyche ward, its 3 days of suicide watch. 7 days minimum. They can give you meds but that's a 2 week stay. Most medical covers at least 1 week. You can also get into group therapy. A great way to get out of your faking it mode. Is by writing out the truth in a journal. Spend time with yourself and let yourself breath.
I’m not being patronizing, I really hope you find the strength to get help
Please call this number, it’s the suicide hotline, they’ll help you out and work with you
+18002738255
It will end. Keep fighting and I know its difficult but be positive and try and force yourself to have fun