My Best Friend

My best Friend is in a relationship since September 2018. Initial 6 months of her relationship were great after which she started to feel lack of attention from her bf. As far as present is concerned, her bf treats her as a doll. He smooches her anytime, becomes rude anytime and says anything bad which is present in his mind. In such a case she keeps crying for 2-3 days and finally forgives him saying that she loves him very much. I have argued with her many many times and she always has an answer ready, "I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,"

Please suggest me any other way to save her from him

Oct 9, 2020

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  • Try to f*** him

  • Last part, She has more value. She does not have to be his pin cushion every time he has a bad moment. Separating herself from the role of being his emotional scapegoat does not mean that she's insensitive or that she's a bad girlfriend. It's that she does not need to compromise her own psychological well being in an attempt to prove her love to him. That this is his problem to fix.
    I hope that this helps some. Good luck.

  • Yet, it oozes into every facet of our lives. A well meaning girlfriend or wife can actually be unknowingly enabling his anger. If she is quick to try and solve all of the problems around him, quite often, he begins to associate her with his explosive episodes. A mentality of, "if she had or hadn't done A, B or C, then I wouldn't have gotten angry."
    Not trying to sound dramatic. It's just that I've seen many women become dangerously intertwined in their man's anger. To where they can all but lose their sense of self, while spending a large part of their time tip toeing around her man, hoping to not set him off.
    'm not necessarily suggesting that it's to this point and that she is best to part ways with him. Just for her to be careful not to get sucked into the vortex of feeling that it is her job to put his fires out. He needs to learn effective coping skills that do not include shifting responsibility of his emotions onto another.

  • Her boyfriend is dealing with anger issues. I say that as a man who also deals with it, and has done so for all of my life. One of the problems facing those with anger is that most of the time they have no real idea of why they're so prone to flying off the handle over, what is most often, trivial things.
    He seems to be at the phase where he really needs to learn effective coping skills. That's usually one of the largest hurdles for those of us with anger. There are also things in our past that still hurt. I mean really hurt, and we still haven't figured out how to make peace with it. Meaning that quite often we still carry the anger and emotions from one of many negative experiences, and while we may not consciously think of the past event, we still carry the raw emotion, that becomes unleashed over relatively insignificant things.
    Just trying to give a view into the psyche of males with anger.
    Now, the most important thing for your friend to know, is to recognize her role in this. Many women can and often do fall into the trap of feeling that they need to "fix their man." Which makes sense, as women have greater nurturing instincts. Yet, and this is from a man who unwittingly caused a great deal of strain on his past relationships and marriage, this is something she cannot fix. She can support him, but the problem with his anger can only be fixed from within, and most men with anger really don't think that they are. The stereotype of angry men are those who immediately become violent, and we can fool ourselves into believing that because we are nowhere near that level, that we have our anger pretty much under control. (Continues)

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