I hate myself.
TW FOR EATING DISORDERS, SUICIDAL IDEATION, AND SELF HATE
I'm an awful person. I mean I'm truly terrible, I'm the scum of the earth, I'm the worst person alive. I deserve to die as far as I'm concerned. I hate myself so much I'm so disgusting. My ex sent me a message, 3 huge paragraphs to get things off his chest, we broke up about a year ago. He said I f***** him up in ways he can't express, he said I'm responsible for many of his triggers and I caused him so much pain. I just can't live with myself I just I don't know what to do everything feels wrong I shouldn't be alive. All I do is hurt people. I probably gave him an eating disorder and ruined his life. He'll hate me forever and I'll always have to live with the knowledge that I'm the one that caused him all of this torture. I knew I was awful and I've changed so much since then, I've worked with a therapist to accept the past and know that I'm a different person now and it's okay, but now all my progress is gone, how can I ever live on and forgive myself? there's nothing in the world that I hate more than hurting other people. I hate myself I'm so putrid and disgusting why does anyone like me I'm awful. I don't deserve friends. I sent him a photo of my sick body when I was at the peak of my eating disorder and wanted validation, it's called a body check. I did it over a year ago and I regret it so much but I never knew it could hurt someone that badly. I caused an eating disorder didn't I? I ruined someone's life. I don't deserve kindess I deserve to perish in flames. He said it felt good to get it off his chest and I'm happy that he feels better but the fact that he's still thinking about us and we dated a year ago proves how much of an impact I had on him. I ruined someone. I need to kill myself, I would be better off dead